But as for me, I trust in you. Psalm 55:23

Cast your burden on the Lord {releasing the weight of it} and He will sustain you; He will never allow the {consistently} righteous to be moved (made to slip, fall or fail).  Psalm 55:22 (AMPC)

What do you do when you when you have no answers…you reach out to those who plead your case before the Lord when you do not have the strength.  I opened the mail yesterday.  I shouldn’t have.  I should have waited.  Full of anger, frustration, and exhaustion I reached out to a few friends to pray.  One mighty prayer warrior gave me the scripture above and said hold tight.  We will hold your arms up for the battle when you no longer can.  It matters who you know when you face uncertainty.  If I have learned anything from this long road of uncertainty it is surround yourself with strong believers who will support you, who will go to battle with you, and who will point you back to the One who conquers all.

About eight months ago Lily had one of her “episodes.”  We are so good about sharing the good, the smiles, the awesomeness of adoption, but we often don’t talk about the struggles these babies face on this inside.  I had a friend once say we (meaning the adoption community) paint this picture of us (as an adopting family) walking hand in hand, in a field of daisies, as the sun is setting with smiling faces.  It is a beautiful picture, and sometimes it is all those things, but behind closed doors, it is full of struggles and battles no one except those close to the battle know about.  That night, we were in the middle of one of those struggles.  I don’t even remember what it was over, but it had to do with Lily not being in control.  Losing control of her situation has been the hardest thing for her to overcome.  Not having control of her life, her legs, her situation has often been her mountain to overcome.  We were in for a long night.  Those long nights of battling, refusing to sleep, refusing to eat, refusing anything that would make her feel better, but also make her lose control of the line she drew in the sand that night, were exhausting.  What followed next was her anger, her loss of control of her behavior and attitude, and a complete meltdown/breakdown.  As I tucked her in bed that night I was at a loss of what to do.  We had tried everything every book said to do, every therapist we have ever visited said to do, advice from friends/family had said to do and nothing worked.  Not this night.  So I began to pray.  (yes I should have started with that)  And as she plugged her ears so she wouldn’t have to listen to my prayer, I continued to cry out to God for her, for me, for us.  I began to pray and plead with God, why.  Why does it look like this?  Why does the battle have to be this hard? Why does she have to struggle?  And for the love, why does she have to be so dang disobedient when all we are trying to do is help her?  That’s when the answer came.  I saw myself in my daughter that night as I was praying to God for help, for healing and for a way out.  I felt God gently telling me, you are just like her.  Disobedient, stubborn, controlling, wanting your way.  When my way is better you chose yours because it’s more comfortable.  You can control the situation.  You chose the easier way out instead of the hard healing way out.  I saw her struggles that night.  I think I realized them, and since then I have looked at them from a completely different point of view.  God didn’t change her that night, He changed me.  And in changing me, she began healing.  We haven’t had one of those “episodes” since.  Not saying it won’t happen again, because that baby has been through a lot, but she is on the path to healing.  She has overcome so much.  But since that night perspective changed.  For both of us.  For all of us.  She has come so far is such a short amount of time.  She has experience healing and health.  She is learning who Jesus is, and she is learning just how much she is loved.  She is learning her story and how incredible it truly is.  She is finding healthy independence.  She is learning just because her legs might not look and work like others that she still has purpose.  She is learning she is so good at wheelchair sports and a new world has opened up for her.  She is learning how to be determined and stubborn in a good way.  She is learning how to fight fair.  She is learning she can be a great athlete just like her sister, who she adores.  But most of all she is learning she has a loving Father who has an incredible plan for her life.  One that involves unconditional love, and healing, and hope.  She has come so far, and I am so proud.  We are far from walking that field of daisies, but we are closer now than we have ever been.

Then I opened the stupid mail.  Immigration sucks.  Our government sucks.  How is it that I have two incredible kids who are so much alike?  They are both stubborn, head strong, independent, and full of life and spunk.  They have big dreams.  They talk about their dreams.  They talk life and future with one another.  Lily has already established she will be moving out with her sissy when she goes to college.  That one made us laugh, all except Anna Lee.  They love to live life to the fullest, and sometimes I wonder if I am going to have the energy to keep up.  But one thing that separates them, and one thing that has the potential to wreck ones dreams…CITIZENSHIP.  One daughter has it, one does not.  One was born into privilege and one into poverty.  It is a miracle she even made it here.  It will take a miracle keeping her here. 

I am often amazed at politics.  I keep my mouth shut on the subject because it often gets so heated and ridiculous. It often times makes no sense to me either.  You have one party screaming about separating children at the border and how inhumane that is, yet that same party believes in abortion.  Talk about double standards and separation from a parent.  You have one party screaming build the wall yet most of them go to church and say be a light for the oppressed, the orphan and the widow.  You can’t scream one thing on Sunday and build the wall on Monday.  I sat in Washington and had the privilege of watching a law in process being passed.  4 congressmen showed up that day to hear.  FOUR!  I passed quite a few (hundred-maybe exaggerating a bit but let’s just say lots) in the halls going to lunch and just chit chatting the day away.  You see when you have a wheel chair baby you don’t get to go into the same doors everyone else does at the Capital building.  You get to see that back door stuff.  The underground tunnel where they walk and play.  And 4 of them showed up that day for an education vote.  EDUCATION.  FOUR.  So I have a really hard time with people making decisions for my daughter who know NOTHING about her situation.  We scream about sexual abuse from a law maker, yet we are willing to send a child who is helpless in her situation, back to a country where sexual abuse is a very real possibility for her, in her situation.  Let’s just get real.  We don’t care about people, we just care about arguing points with actual people.  It still amazes me that most of the general population did not know Franklin D Roosevelt was in a wheelchair.  The press respected his privacy so much that they waited for most pictures to be taken until he was propped up and standing.  They respected him.  Regardless of which political side you fall on, the man did some stuff.  He got stuff done.  But his relationship with the press impresses me because it is the total opposite of what you see today.  No one can get anything done because no one can have real conversations anymore.  People are losing their minds instead of fighting for what this country was founded upon.  Red tape and politics have taken over, instead of just doing what’s right and helping people who are hurting.  Now hear me, I am not saying open the boarders and let everyone in.  There has to be checks and balances. But it should not be this hard, this expensive, for children who need medical care to get the care they need.  For mom’s fleeing genocide with their children.  For dad’s trying to find work to feed their starving families.  More people are killed in Birmingham everyday by U.S. citizens than by illegal immigrants, and no one seems to bother, or care, or want to build a wall around it.  So in saying all that we need a better process.  Lily is lucky she has parents who can fight this. Others don’t.  That is why we have illegals.  Not because they are trying to take our jobs (although some of us lazy people like the welfare system more than the actual jobs) or want to do harm.  They just don’t understand the long, full of red tape, very long, long, long expensive process.  And one that will cost you a million dollars to an attorney who can figure it out for you, because for the love these two educated white parents can’t.  That is not good government.  That is laws passed on top of laws, on top of more laws, then let’s throw the media on top of it all to confuse it even more, and stir up more crap to make people more over the top and lose their minds.  So in saying all that…

Lily is on her way to being denied citizenship.  And if it wasn’t heart stopping enough for a momma to open the mail, I had to open the letter that was BRIGHT PINK PAPER.  It’s like not only are we going to give you crappy news, we are going to put it on a pink slip.  For the sake of all that matters come on…seriously pink paper? White paper is cheaper and less intimidating.  Now, my pastor always says you have to go back, to remember where you came from and to see where you are going.  Go back and visit all those spiritual markers God has done along the way to see how far you have come.  After I had a good run, and a good cry alone yesterday, I did just that.  I went back.  To six trips I had to tell my girl goodbye before she actually got to make the seventh, HOME.  And that friend who gave me that scripture at the beginning of this blog, yeah, she prayed me through immigration the night she came home too.  I remember her texting me while I was still in Haiti.  “You text me the minute you are through immigration, I will not stop praying until then,” she said.  “I will be standing in the gap praying until you do,” were her words to me.  A re-routed very long flight later, and we were rolling through immigration at 2:00 a.m.  She stayed up until we crossed that yellow line passing immigration into freedom in the Atlanta Airport.  God worked a miracle and brought her home.  As we began our journey of nine surgeries to straighten and correct her mangled legs, God was with us each step of the way.  As we battled emotional roller coasters, God was with us each step of the way.  As our marriage crumbled because of the stress and weight of all this, God was with us each step of the way.  As Anna Lee has carried the weight of all this, God has been with her each step of the way.  God is in the business of restoration.  He uses broken people for His glory.  He has brought about so much healing in this family because of a little Haitian baby gir,l that has turned our lives upside down for the better.  She is everything we never knew we needed and everything we ever wanted.  She makes life fun.  Not gonna lie. I have had a hard three years coming to terms with that wheelchair and wheelchair life, but God worked that out in me too.  We are all at a good place.  A healing place.  So that stupid pink piece of paper will not steal my joy.  I couldn’t sleep last night, and when I woke up I told God please no.  I cannot do sleepless nights again over this.  I have done too many.  I have lost too much time to fear and worry.  I am not going back there.  He said go write.  And the words of my wise pastor rang in my head, go back.  Go back to all He, the great Almighty has done.  He has brought her home, to her family.  She is currently sleeping in her sister’s bed with her, where she has slept since she came home.  Wrapped in each other’s arms.  Every night.  With her lab mix guard dog asleep on the rug below them.  She is home.  She is happy and she is right where she belongs.  Lily I will fight this fight for you.  We will fight this fight for you. I don’t know where this will take us but it will be as a family.  And we are not going anywhere God hasn’t already been.  I rest in that. 

But as for me, I trust in you.  Psalm 55:23

**As I opened my computer to write this morning Anna Lee’s paragraph assignment was left open on my laptop.  It was the reminder I needed…I thought I should include her words too!  It was written last week.

A Memorable Journey

                Seven years ago my family and I started an adoption process. We started the process a year before little Lily was born. It was the longest, hardest, and most stressful journey ever. Three years into the four year journey we finally got the documents we needed. However, the Haitian lawyers had the wrong last name on the documents. Once they fixed it Lily was able to come home about a year later. When she came home on July 2, 2015, it wasn’t until March 2, 2017, that we went to the court house full of prayers. That day, at the Bessemer Court House, our little Lily was officially adopted. Finally, we thought we had made it to the end of our journey, but we were definitely wrong. To this day we are still fighting immigration because Lily is still not a United States citizen. Even though we are still fighting these battles, we never give up because we know that the Lord is with us through thick and thin.

          

Whom shall I fear?

    The Lord is my light and my salvation-Whom shall I fear?  Psalm 27:1


       I typically write about Lily, because so much of this journey belongs to her,  but this post belongs to Anna Lee.  I have watched her work through some pretty powerful emotions the last few days from excitement to fear, from worry to concern, then back to excitement and trust.  I have often wondered what this jourmey has meant to her and how the Lord will use all this in her little life. Sometimes I get a glimpse and sometimes she says and does some pretty powerful things.  Somethings she shows how much grace and mercy she has learned and she shows me how compassion has become a part of who she is. But I often worry that the choices Brad and I make have an adverse affect on her. I've learned every choice we make has a lasting impression on her. The good and the bad. I feel like we get it wrong more times than we get it right. I had a friend tell me we do a good job of looking like we have it together. Let me assure you...we don't. We're a mess but we love and we seek Him and we have learned to extend more grace than any of us deserve. It's in those moments of our weakness where I see Anna Lee's growth in Him. It's where I see the student become our teacher and it's those moments that make me want to be the best me I can be for her, for Lily and for Brad.
    She was scared to come on this trip.  She panicked at the most crucial moment...the night before. This is trip # 4 for her so it should have come a little easier you would have thought. But she's 10, she's a child and she has real fears. She poured those out, we listened, we consulted and ultimately we allowed her to make the choice to go or stay.  She had two exit lanes before we left.  Each time one presented itself I could see the battle going on inside her and with each option for her to exit this trip I prayed.  I prayed for her to have peace in her decision and confidence in the choice she made.  We talked a lot about unconditional love and that regardless of her choice our unconditional love remained.  Scripture was shared, prayers were exchanged and as the last exit place drove off she looked at me with a shy smile and said, "I'm okay."  If you know anything about Anna Lee you know she does what she wants when she wants, and ask for forgiveness instead of permission.  She beats to her own drum, has her own opinion and doesn't mind sharing it with little or no filter.  She has her own ideas and determination and usually carves out her own path to them.  She gets most of that from her father!  So for once she had to seek out a decision based on something deeper than what she wanted...safety and security.
    She recently sat through some intense preaching and worship through a conference she attended over the weekend.  The preacher was preaching out of Acts 26-28 and shared the story of Paul's shipwreck on the island of Malta.  My little redhead took in every word he said.  Much conversation took place after that sermon.  On the way to the Atlanta airport before the last place she could exit this trip I see her digging through her Bible.  She then asked what chapter of Acts she could find that story again.  She re-read, she took it in and then somewhere between chapter 26 and chapter 28 she made her decision.  You see sometimes God takes us to places we don't want to go.  Some times he takes us to Malta to teach us something we couldn't learn staying in one place.
    I've been in that place myself for the better part of a year.  I've been to those places in my marriage, I've been to those places as a mother and as a friend.  I've been places that aren't fun or comfortable but God had to take me there to allow me to see some things and to grow.  If I am honest I have felt for sometime this trip is about the kids we brought here.  About their growth in Him.  About their ability to see suffering and beauty all in one place and to see God makes everything different and beautiful in it's time.  I feel like the Lord is opening them up to His character and that they are learning who they are in Him through experiences that aren't comfortable and force us to trust.  I didn't share any of this with Anna Lee because I wanted her to choose for herself.  I wanted her to be the one to make the decision because when she looks back she will see this was a growth moment between her and the Lord.  And she did.  She's learning how to trust Him when it doesn't make sense, or how to keep walking when fear grasp you.  She is learning how to pray through and to know fear only dies in the presence of prayer.  She's learning to have her own relationship with her Father and not the one her momma has.  I can only point her in the direction but she has to learn for herself.  She was scared but she walked through the fear to a Father who's plans are far better than our own for her.  And she's teaching me to do the same.  I often live a life of fear.  Fear of rejection, fear of being hurt, fear of not being enough, fear of letting down those I love most, fear of death and I could go on and on and on.  But today, in my little girl I saw courage break through the fear.  I saw Joshua 1:9 alive in her life.  I saw her working through inner struggles, and I saw her Faith take over and her faith be put into action.  I can not wait to see how God is going to continue to move and work in her life as long as she allows him to.  I see humility growing and it replacing her will and her way. I see a daughter of the King taking her place at 10.
     Friend, you don't have to cross an ocean to work through fear and step out in faith.  You can just cross your living room.  Is your marriage struggling and does it need you to live bodily and pray boldly?   Do your kids need to see you loving your spouse as Jesus loves you, unconditional and poured on with grace.  Do your kids need your prayer life to step up to cover them with all the challenges they face today.  Does that hurting friend need a friend to rise up and help them fight a battle they can't do alone.  I'm learning change happens through  relationships.  Relationships that matter.  What relationship in your life needs the power of Jesus.  What relationship in your life needs healing.  Let it start by building your family to be strong in Him. We don't have to go across the world to show the love of Jesus.  It starts in our homes.  It starts with our marriages, then it filters to our children then outward from there.  This is something the Lord has really been hammering me with lately is it starts in my home.  MY HOME.  I had a friend recently tell me we do a great job of looking like we have it together.  And for the better part of social media we do look like that.  But let me tell you, there are times we are A MESS.  Ask my kids, they will tell you.  We are a family with baggage and backgrounds full of mess.  And we added a fourth to our mess that was a mess!  So, while we look like we have it together we don't!  But Jesus can still use your mess.  We also learned this weekend your greatest weakness can become your greatest weapon, and your greatest weakness can be HIS biggest strength.  Jesus can use your mess and make it beautiful.  Take back what satan has stolen friend.  This week he took my daughter's joy and excitement and threatened it with fear.  But I know a Savior that trumps all that!  She got on that plane, and as she exited the Haiti Airport she looked up and said, "Mom, I'm glad I came!"
   

New Mercies Every Morning

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.  Lamentations 3:22-23

        That is my favorite promise from the Lord.  It’s the one I need most, His grace and mercy that comes new each day. 

        Lily has been home now for 667 days.  Sometimes it still seems so surreal.  We were apart for 1,159 days.  Those days were long, stretched out and felt as if a part of our family was missing for each photo, vacation, holiday, milestone, etc… There are some mornings I walk into her room to get her up, and I remember what it felt like to walk into that empty room waiting for her.  It was some very lonely years waiting.  If I had only known to rest a little more in the waiting…     

        She turns 5 today.  The second birthday spent with us, and the first official birthday as a Dobson!  I am finding I like the second milestones, the second holidays better.  As a new mom you always look forward to the first birthday, the first thanksgiving, the first Christmas, their first Easter, and that first mother’s day.  Not gonna lie…all those first with Lily were tough.  Don’t get me wrong, we rejoiced, we were joyful she was home, but some of those “first” were tough, even painful for all involved!  I have a picture of my first mother’s day with her home.  Lily’s favorite Sunday school teacher did a wonderful craft for us moms and they snapped a picture of us together as we entered Sunday school.  Little did they know neither of us wanted a picture with the other that Happy Mother’s Day morning.  Bonding issues had taken its toll.  Control issues had taken its toll.  The pain of all she was going through physically, medically and emotionally had taken its toll, on her and me.  I keep that picture over my sink as a reminder of where we have been, where we want to go and what kind of mother she needs me to be.  To say the last 968 days have been wonderful, joyful and pleasant would be a lie.  There have been wonderful, joyful and pleasant moments, days and weeks, but there has also been anger, disappointment, and pain.  But through it all the Lord has never left our side.  And each morning His mercies were new, are new and will continue to be new.  For those of you that know Lily, you know she is fierce, bold, determined and full of life!  But she has also experienced pain, physically and emotionally.  She lost everything she knew to be comforting, even if it wasn’t good and ideal.  She lost control of her world, the only world she knew and was placed into a world of strangers, who didn’t even look and talk like her.  She had rules and a new way of life and even if that new way of life was better some days it just wasn’t for her.  However, with each new day comes growth, grace and mercy.

        For 667 days she has leveled everything I knew about parenting, love, grace, mercy, forgiveness and peace.  She has broken down every barrier I had ever put up and challenged me in ways I never thought could happen.  With each 2^nd holiday we feel more like family.  We know each other.  We’ve been through life together.  We know what the other wants and needs.  With each surgery I see our bond deepening and her dependence on us growing.  This last surgery showed me just how far she had come.  As we talked the night before about what to expect we talked about pain, about how the hurting brings healing and joy.  And as she held me tight she said, “Momma, all this makes me want to cry.”  And as I looked at her I said, “Me too baby, me too.”  If she only knew how many tears I’ve cried for her, tears of pain and joy.  The next day she woke up with a smile on her face and said, “Let’s go to the hospital, I’m ready!”  And she was.  Her big, brave self underwent her sixth surgery like a champ. 

          For roughly the last 4oo some odd days she has had some sort of contraption on her legs.  I’ve watched her legs slowly be unfolded from the mangled, tangled way they were to beautiful straight legs she is so proud of.  This process didn’t come without pain though.  Much like her physical pain, this whole journey hasn’t come without pain.  She has endured much more than we will ever know, but one thing she has taught me is to have joy among the pain.  Sometimes you just have to force joy to deal with pain, and that’s a choice.  This kid of mine forces me to be better, for her.  She challenges me for the better.  She expects me to love deeper, because that’s what makes her better. 

        It’s hard for me to put into words with this kid means to me.  I have two remarkable daughters, one from my womb and one given to me by another. They are so different yet so much alike.  They will change this world, they have already changed mine.  I don’t have this whole parenting thing down by any means, but Lily has taught me I’m teachable, and the Lord is teaching me what she needs and how to parent that.  She is healing in more ways than one.  I’m celebrating this birthday with her differently this year, because this year we are in a different season of life!  She is my daughter and she has been from the day the Lord told me she was mine…go fight for her. 

        When I reminded her it was getting close to her birthday a couple of weeks ago she looked puzzled.  Then she asked, “I get another birthday, again?”  Yes, baby you do.  You get many many more!  We get to do life together now, birthdays, holidays, surgeries, no more doing life alone.  You are now a part of a family.  A family that loves you, that will fight for you and with you.  A family that will go the distance with you, and regardless of circumstance will seek out joy and live it with you!  Lily Belle you have changed my life, in all the ways I needed.  You broke me to the core.  You were everything we never knew we wanted or needed and have come to be the very thing that glued our family together.  You my dear will conquer because the Lord has His hand on you.  Verse 26 of Lamentations chapter 3 is what I’m now praying for you…It is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.  I can’t wait for the day you realize all the Lord has done for you, and the day you accept Him as your Lord and Savior.  Until then we wait…but this time we are together! 

Happy 5^th birthday little one, you are a whole hand now, and still full of dynamite!            

Jesus Heals

        But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God.  You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus.  He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High.  The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will NEVER END.”  Luke 1:30-33

        This time three years ago I was planning to meet my baby girl.  We would soon be face to face.   I was scared to death of all the unknowns I was about to encounter.  I was afraid of a country I had yet to visit, and one I knew very little about.  I was scared to embrace the unknowns of a child whose condition wasn’t certain and neither was her future.   Even more, I was scared of the goodbye that would have to take place five days later. 

        I will never forget the first time she was placed in my arms.  I was heading up a pair of steps at her orphanage taking a tour of the place, and she was handed to me.  Right there on those steps, a flood of emotions.  There I was and finally there she was, face to face, in my arms.  She was tiny.  She had a blank stare on her face.  She was beautiful.  Five days were spent with her and her friends.  That trip changed my life.  On the plane ride home I made a list of everything I could remember about her.  I didn’t know when or if I would ever see her again. A sweet friend gave me some advice for the plane ride home, "Don't dwell on the goodbye, dwell on her and remember everything you can about her." So, I began to write.  I often look back over that list and one day that list will become hers.  So much of what I saw that day is still her.  I remember telling Brad that trip, “I will come back here only to pick her up and take her home AND that is it.”  I never wanted to make that trip again, unless she was coming home.  Many more trips later, friends have been made, this country has captivated my heart and my life is forever changed.  During one of those trips I can remember a distinct prayer I prayed to the Lord as she was sleeping on my chest.  I vowed to Him, "I will fight for this child for as long as it takes. AS LONG AS IT TAKES"  Little did I know how long...

        Fast forward three long years… well, years that seemed long, but now just seem like a short memory.  I learned so much in the waiting.  I learned how to pray, and pray fervently.  I learned how to persevere.  I learned how to not give up when things get tough and don’t go your way, but most importantly I learned that doing things God’s way is so much sweeter.  Even though plans change, even though times are tough, even though sometimes it doesn’t make sense, His way is best.  He teaches, He loves, and He shows how good He is even when circumstances might say otherwise.  He teaches how strong He is and how weak we are.  He shows how powerful He is, and how He is the Alpha and Omega…He sees the plan from beginning to end and only He knows which part of the plan we are at.  I’m so thankful for a Father that uses broken people for things that are way bigger than they are capable of handling.  Today, I’m so thankful for who He is because I am nothing without Him.  And without Him, I would not be Lily’s mom.

        I have written about this journey…the good, the bad and the ugly parts.  I have been honest…at times too honest.  But I wanted others to see the hardship of this and see how beautiful the Lord really is in all this.  The last eighteen months have been the toughest eighteen months of my life.  I often questioned the Lord…I think I’ve asked Him a billion times are you sure you got the right momma for her.  And every time He showed me what needed to be changed about myself to become the right momma for her.  I have a very special friend who happens to be a social worker.  We have walked through some tough stuff together.  She doesn’t have children yet, and often times I remember us saying throughout this journey (of many social workers) how can this person tell us what to do when they don’t have any kids… but not her.  I know her heart. I know how much she loves the Lord.  I know how much she loves me and my kid and how much she wants to see her healed.  Not just physical healing, but emotionally and spiritually.  Her heart for what she does amazes me.  So when she speaks I listen and I learn.  I have come to know wisdom is found in learning…not in knowing what you think you know.  She has challenged me in ways she will never know and she speaks truth to my heart when it’s needed.  She came at a time when Lily and I both needed her teaching.  And for that I am ever grateful.  The Lord knows who and when to position.  We are now coming out of a very difficult season, but new beginnings are blossoming.  Healing is and continues to take place.  Relationships are being deepened and trust has been established.  This little person has brought life to us.  Life we didn’t even know we needed. 

        We have four surgeries behind us.  And who knows how many more ahead.  I have learned to just rest in the present and not look to the future too much.  This little, fierce kid of mine has taught me so much.  We started this journey with intentions of bringing home a healthy little girl we would name Amyiah Nicole Dobson.  We now have a healthy fierce four year old named Schneily Dulcema who rides a pink wheelchair and goes by the nickname Lily.  I am having a hard time teaching her not to talk to strangers because her personality is so captivating and everywhere we go someone always ends up in conversation with her.  She is incredibly smart.  She is by far the most independent little thing I have ever met, and if you know Anna Lee you would question if that is possible.  She loves deeply and has a laugh that comes from her soul and you can’t help but to laugh with her.  She has music in her soul and bounces to any kind of beat she hears.  She asks a million questions a day, and she loves to sleep with her sister.  That bond between them has been the most satisfying thing to watch.  I’ll never forget the tears that fell from Anna lee the first time she had to leave her and tell her goodbye.  That day my heart shattered into a million pieces.  I stayed strong, but as I sat in a cold shower in Haiti tears fell for two kids who would remain separated for two more years.  This sister bond is serious stuff.  They fight but oh, how they protect one another…and form a fierce allegiance against us if needed.  Lily has been a part of an incredible school who has partnered with us.  They have been incredible.  The Lord prompted someone, to pay for her entire year...thousands of dollars...He has taken care of every little detail for this little one. For this, we are ever grateful to whoever helped us when we didn't know where tuition would come from.  When I pull up in car pool line, most often there is one of her classmates yelling from their car, “there’s Lily, there’s Lily.”  They love her too.  She doesn’t go anywhere that she doesn’t draw attention because that’s just how bold she is.  She prays and she knows Jesus made her extremely special.  She loves Christmas. Right after the tree went up she began asking every stranger she met, "Do you have a Christmas?"  Again, problems with the stranger stuff... She loves Christmas so much because she knows so much of it is about spending time with her family.  She loves her family and she loves the togetherness.  She especially loves having grandparents.  My dad is a retired grumpy police officer.  His job made him tough and calloused…and grumpy.  But Lily, Lily makes him laugh more than anything.  I’ll never forget walking through the airport at 1:30 am after a long 10 hours of traveling.  She was asleep in her stroller and the only welcoming committee we had was my mom, my dad and my step mom.  The only one we needed.  The tears that fell that early morning, especially from my dad is a special memory I will always have. She captivated his heart that day, pretty much like she has everyone else.  It’s been hard, this adoption thing, it has pretty much torn me down, but only for the Lord to build me back up in Him.  I’m still learning how to be Lily’s mom, but there is nothing else I would rather do.  My children have taught me more about Love and the Lord than anything else, and I am so thankful to be their mom.  They couldn’t be any more different, yet so much alike and for that I am thankful.

        I’m only Lily’s mom because Jesus came into the world as a baby, and then later died on the cross for my sins.  He tore the veil and made a way for my relationship with the Father.  He gave us eternal life.  He conquered hell and the grave and made way for life eternally.  He made way for intimacy with Him.  Though that intimacy lives were changed…forever.  Lily was given a family, a family that she thanks Jesus for every night.  We aren’t perfect, we are flawed but we are hers.  She was given a family, and we were given life through her, life abundantly, life that we didn’t know existed, life that teaches us true love and compassion.  Last Christmas was tough…not gonna lie.  We were still adjusting, learning and just plain not happy about what the Lord planned for us.  But this Christmas, this Christmas is full of Joy.  Because in Him we are complete, we have learned to love, and His Joy is not based on circumstances it’s based on Him.  He made our family complete.  In ways we didn’t even know we need.  I’m so thankful for baby Jesus, because baby Jesus grew up, He grew up the Son of the Most High.  The Lord God gave Him His throne and HIS KINGDOM WILL NEVER END.

Merry Christmas,

Brad, Jennifer, Anna Lee & Lily…a family complete