In
his heart a man plans his course,
but the Lord determines his steps.
but the Lord determines his steps.
Proverbs 16:9
I have often wondered what it will be
like to meet my daughter… in little over a month I will know. I sit this morning in the same spot at my
computer that I have many times before, where I have poured out my heart on
paper. Many of those times I have been in
tears and frustration and broken hearted and other times in complete joy and
awe at the Savior that chooses to be my friend and love me unconditionally
despite my many many faults. This
morning I sit with tears of overwhelming joy and anticipation at the plans my
Lord and Savior has orchestrated and brought about. I sit in awe at His plan for me and my
family. I sit in awe at a God that loves
me so much that He would work out even the little details of my life, just at
the right time, just to show us how much He loves and cares for us. Just to show us how His plans really are
better than anything we could ever dream of or imagine.
Two Saturday’s ago we had two craft
shows planned to continue raising money to bring our sweet baby home. Two Saturday’s ago I was very overwhelmed. Two Saturday’s ago my family was pulled in so
many different directions that I almost made a decision that could have altered
a divine appointment…well many divine appointments God had planned for that
day. My dad and step-mom were going to
work one show, and Brad and I were going to work the other. I knew the sacrifice I was placing on my
family for the day and it was almost too much.
Brad and I almost cancelled the show we had planned to work and almost
missed out and what God was planning.
Something in my soul told me not to cancel. Somehow we got through the set up of two
shows and two Saturday’s ago my plans were altered and the Lord determined new
steps for us.
AS we pulled up to begin the day we
met a family that poured encouragement into our souls. I met a mom and a dad who brought their third
adopted child home from China. She
happens to share the same name as our little girl we plan to bring home. She also shares a similar disability as our
little one as well. As I watched that
child zip around in her blue wheelchair full of life, my soul was overwhelmed
with what our life might look like one day.
Overwhelmed in an incredibly good way…this child lived, I mean really
lived. This family lived, I mean really
lived. Her father mentioned to me that
they didn’t know what living really was until this sweet child came home to
their family. I could see it. I could see it in their faces, I could see it
in the way they looked at their children, I could see it in the way her dad
helped her get her wheelchair out of the mud after she got stuck! I could feel it in air around them. They know how to live. This little one knows
how to live! Despite what some would
call a disability, this child radiated with personality and charm. She wasn’t slowed down at all! And this family is now on a journey to bring
a fourth child home, which will also be in a wheelchair! As their mom wrapped her arms around me and
held me with all the encouragement she had to offer me, I prayed our family
would one day look like theirs. I am thankful
God knows what we need and at just the right time. I am so thankful for people who pour their
lives into others because two Saturday’s ago…I needed it. And that was just the beginning of the day…
Two very sweet ladies visited my booth
later in the day…they shopped from us and then shared a story of a family
member that lived in another state also adopting from Haiti. We exchanged stories and it turned out their
family member was also adopting out of the same orphanage we were. In itself, this is a small miracle…you hardly
hear of people adopting from Haiti much less someone from the same orphanage.
By the end of the day I had received a picture of the family member who is
adopting as well, holding the precious child we have been praying for for
nearly a year. She was holding her tight
and kissing her cheek! I thought back
over all my prayers that I keep in a journal, and so many of those prayers were
that someone will hold my child and she won’t be just laying in a crib. That someone will be showing her love. That someone would be extending grace and
mercy to her and that she would be protected, until we could bring her home. Here were those prayers being answered. She was holding her, she loved on her and she
was caring for her.
Long story short I got into contact
with this family member. What I thought
would just be a conversation to share in the struggles and joys of adopting
from Haiti turned into something so much more.
After we exchanged stories she shared she travels to Haiti quite often
on mission projects and trips. They
actually had a mission trip coming up in late December. She invited us to go. WHAT…two Saturday’s ago I was so overwhelmed…two
Saturday’s ago I was up to my eye balls in handmade signs and t-shirts. Two Saturday’s ago we were trying to figure
out how to make our next adoption payment.
Two Saturday’s ago we were faced with having to go through yet another
holiday season without our baby home.
Two Saturday’s ago, the Lord turned my world upside down…in a good way. We now have two plane tickets…destination
Haiti…leaving in little over a month!
This is a mission trip. It’s not an adoption trip. It’s not a bonding trip…per say. My mom asked me an honest question that only
a mother could. She asked, “Do you
really think this is a good idea for your heart. What happens if you go on this trip and hold
this baby and then the Haitian government decides you can’t adopt the little
girl you have been in the process to adopt for two years now?” Fair question…a mother protecting her
child. Brad and I honestly asked
ourselves that before she had even asked.
The conclusion we came to is this.
Do you not pursue divine appointments just because you are afraid it’s
not going to work out as you had planned?
Do you not fully trust God with your future, your heart and your
emotions just because it might not work out like you had planned? We very well might go and hold this little
girl. She might very well not come home
to us. It very well might be another
child. However, I have a Heavenly Father
that already knows the outcome. I have a
Heavenly Father that already has written the pages of our life. I have a Heavenly Father that holds my heart
in the palm of His hand. I trust His will
completely. I trust His plan, because as
I am learning, He has this figured out far better than I do. So in the meantime…I will get to go to Haiti
and show the love of Christ. I will get
to serve an orphanage and love on children.
We will get to hold children that seem as if their world holds no hope
and show them someone cares. We will get
to wipe snot and boogers, changes diapers and do whatever is needed. I have so many times prayed for the nannies
that care for all the children. I pray
that they will have patience and love for the children. That they will have help and supplies. That they will have abundant love to spread
to each one of those precious faces. I
know the ratio of nannies to children is very slim. For the days that we are there we will get to
provide help and relief to them. For
those few days maybe we can be the answer to another adoptive mom’s prayers for
her child…that they are held that they are loved and that they are played with
and cared for. Our world is about to
change…Oh, how my Heavenly Father’s plans are far better than ours. This journey is starting to make a lot more
sense…He doesn’t require all my sacrifices…He just desires my obedience…He will
handle all the other details Himself.
Shout
for joy to the Lord, all the earth.
Worship the Lord with gladness; come before him with joyful songs. Know that the lord is God. It is he who made us, and we are his, we are
his people, the sheep of his pasture.
Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give
thanks to him and praise his name. For
the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues
through all generations. Psalm 100
