I lift
up my eyes to the hills- where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of
heaven and earth. He will not let your
foot slip-He who watches over you will not slumber…Psalm 121:1-3
I
have seen God’s glory, His mercy, His grace and so many other attributes of Him
over the last 11 weeks. I knew all this
to be true about my God; however, I have seen it intensified over the last 11
weeks. The last 11 weeks has forever
transformed our family.
We took Anna Lee on a date last Sunday because we felt she needed some time with us just by herself. And she did, but she also said something that day that pierced my heart. Through casual conversation in the middle of rock climbing, we mentioned something to the effect of having a great family day…She said, without missing a beat, “How can you call it a family day when only three of us are here.” Yes my little sarcastic sweetheart…only three of us our here…but that showed me she knew our family was now a family a four, and she was okay! We were complete…we finally had all members of our family home, together. It has not been easy but it has been filled with His mercies. We have never laughed so much as we have over the past 11 weeks.
I can remember early in our journey getting asked these questions: Why international, why not domestic? Why Haiti? Why not have more children of your own? People are bold! I can remember one sweet older lady asking me about the country we were to adopt from early on in this process. As I explained Haiti and why we felt lead she stopped me and said, “Now, you know this child will be black, right?” Part of me wanted to raise my eyebrows, open my eyes wide and say, “OH NO! Are you serious? They did not tell me that!” But I refrained, and I explained to her that God loves us ALL, no matter what outside appearance looks like. Scripture says man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart! I also refrained from telling her that Jesus wasn’t white either…but as we talked her heart softened and at the end of the conversation she wrote me a pretty substantial check to cover some of our adoption expenses. That my friend’s is how God works!
Looking back over the last 11 weeks, I see His plan. I see how Lily, from Haiti, was meant just for us. I see the pain, the tears and the joy of the process unfolding. I see her spirit challenges us to face things we never thought were possible. I see how she was the missing link to our family. There were times we were ready to give up, throw in the towel and walk away because this was uncomfortable. It hurt and at times it just plain sucked! However those were the times friends and family stepped in and carried the burden for us. In one of my favorite books The Circle Maker, author Mark Batterson explains the power of prayer. He challenges his readers to not just Pray Hard but to Pray Through. Not to just Pray Away the circumstance but to Pray Through it. He goes on to say, “Sometimes the purpose of prayer is to get us out of circumstances, but more often than not, the purpose of prayer is to get us through them. I’m certainly not suggesting we shouldn’t pray deliverance prayers, but there are times we need to pray prevailing prayers. We need to ask God to give us the grace to sustain, the strength to stand firm, and the willpower to keep on keeping on.” He then adds, “We’re often so anxious to get out of difficult, painful, or challenging situations that we fail to grow through them. We’re so fixated on getting out of them that we don’t get anything out of them. We fail to learn the lessons God is try to teach us or cultivate the character God is trying to grow in us. We’re so focused on God changing our circumstances that we never allow God to change us!” You see, I have been praying for the lord to grow my trust in Him. I love His scripture, I love my time in prayer with Him, but if I am really honest with myself, I don’t really trust Him. I don’t trust Him with my children, my most prized possession. You would think I would have learned my lesson by now. Most people think Lily is home fully adopted…she is not. She is here on a medical visa that runs out in ten months. I don’t know what will happen in ten months. The past 11 weeks have been amazing, but in the back of my mind I have had sleepless nights at the thought of having to take her back. I have really struggled with this. On Sunday my Pastor said a profound quick statement in small group that struck me. He asked what it meant to live boldly for Jesus. There were lots of answers…lots of correct good answers. But for me in my heart at that moment living boldly for Jesus meant to do what my Pastor had previously stated. When we become a child of the King we transfer our trust from ourselves to Him. This was my struggle. This trust issue has held me back from living boldly for Christ. I give Him my trust only to take it back time and time again. God pierced my heart in that one moment. We went on to Big Church and he preached a new serious on Job. Praising God regardless…regardless. It was a powerful morning. My soul had been set free. I don’t know what will happen in ten months, but I know who goes before me, I know who stands behind, The God of angel armies is always by my side, The One who reigns forever, He is a friend of mine, The God of angel armies is always by my side. Psalm 27 has been a solid life saving scripture for me. I stand on the promises of the ONE who holds our future. Who holds Lily’s future. For now, we are a family of four. She is my daughter and I am her mother.
We took Anna Lee on a date last Sunday because we felt she needed some time with us just by herself. And she did, but she also said something that day that pierced my heart. Through casual conversation in the middle of rock climbing, we mentioned something to the effect of having a great family day…She said, without missing a beat, “How can you call it a family day when only three of us are here.” Yes my little sarcastic sweetheart…only three of us our here…but that showed me she knew our family was now a family a four, and she was okay! We were complete…we finally had all members of our family home, together. It has not been easy but it has been filled with His mercies. We have never laughed so much as we have over the past 11 weeks.
I can remember early in our journey getting asked these questions: Why international, why not domestic? Why Haiti? Why not have more children of your own? People are bold! I can remember one sweet older lady asking me about the country we were to adopt from early on in this process. As I explained Haiti and why we felt lead she stopped me and said, “Now, you know this child will be black, right?” Part of me wanted to raise my eyebrows, open my eyes wide and say, “OH NO! Are you serious? They did not tell me that!” But I refrained, and I explained to her that God loves us ALL, no matter what outside appearance looks like. Scripture says man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart! I also refrained from telling her that Jesus wasn’t white either…but as we talked her heart softened and at the end of the conversation she wrote me a pretty substantial check to cover some of our adoption expenses. That my friend’s is how God works!
Looking back over the last 11 weeks, I see His plan. I see how Lily, from Haiti, was meant just for us. I see the pain, the tears and the joy of the process unfolding. I see her spirit challenges us to face things we never thought were possible. I see how she was the missing link to our family. There were times we were ready to give up, throw in the towel and walk away because this was uncomfortable. It hurt and at times it just plain sucked! However those were the times friends and family stepped in and carried the burden for us. In one of my favorite books The Circle Maker, author Mark Batterson explains the power of prayer. He challenges his readers to not just Pray Hard but to Pray Through. Not to just Pray Away the circumstance but to Pray Through it. He goes on to say, “Sometimes the purpose of prayer is to get us out of circumstances, but more often than not, the purpose of prayer is to get us through them. I’m certainly not suggesting we shouldn’t pray deliverance prayers, but there are times we need to pray prevailing prayers. We need to ask God to give us the grace to sustain, the strength to stand firm, and the willpower to keep on keeping on.” He then adds, “We’re often so anxious to get out of difficult, painful, or challenging situations that we fail to grow through them. We’re so fixated on getting out of them that we don’t get anything out of them. We fail to learn the lessons God is try to teach us or cultivate the character God is trying to grow in us. We’re so focused on God changing our circumstances that we never allow God to change us!” You see, I have been praying for the lord to grow my trust in Him. I love His scripture, I love my time in prayer with Him, but if I am really honest with myself, I don’t really trust Him. I don’t trust Him with my children, my most prized possession. You would think I would have learned my lesson by now. Most people think Lily is home fully adopted…she is not. She is here on a medical visa that runs out in ten months. I don’t know what will happen in ten months. The past 11 weeks have been amazing, but in the back of my mind I have had sleepless nights at the thought of having to take her back. I have really struggled with this. On Sunday my Pastor said a profound quick statement in small group that struck me. He asked what it meant to live boldly for Jesus. There were lots of answers…lots of correct good answers. But for me in my heart at that moment living boldly for Jesus meant to do what my Pastor had previously stated. When we become a child of the King we transfer our trust from ourselves to Him. This was my struggle. This trust issue has held me back from living boldly for Christ. I give Him my trust only to take it back time and time again. God pierced my heart in that one moment. We went on to Big Church and he preached a new serious on Job. Praising God regardless…regardless. It was a powerful morning. My soul had been set free. I don’t know what will happen in ten months, but I know who goes before me, I know who stands behind, The God of angel armies is always by my side, The One who reigns forever, He is a friend of mine, The God of angel armies is always by my side. Psalm 27 has been a solid life saving scripture for me. I stand on the promises of the ONE who holds our future. Who holds Lily’s future. For now, we are a family of four. She is my daughter and I am her mother.
They
often say the lord doesn’t call the equipped, He equips the called. That is never truer in my life than it is
right now. When you are potty training a
child that cannot stand, and you only have two arms to toilet paper the public restroom
toilet, make sure she doesn’t touch it, get all clothing removed and everything
that follows, I have realized the lord has given me extra arms, extra strength. I often forget she has a handicap because she
is so strong, so determined. She has
taught us to love life, embrace life and not to complain about the things we cannot
change. Not once have I seen self-pity
in her. The other day she came down the
hall pushing a baby stroller twice her size with a baby in it. She would push it with one hand, stop scoot, and
push it again. She made it all the way
to the living room. A little out of
breath but she made her goal! How often I
would have given up. My heart broke for
her in that moment because in that moment I realized life might be tougher for
her. And I almost questioned God on why
she couldn’t walk. This morning I was
reminded of the story in John 9 about the blind mind Jesus healed and I realized…she
was made this way for His Glory. She has
a calling on her life. It’s
evident. God has woven her story in ways
man couldn’t. God gave her freedom, gave
her hope, gave her a future. Her
condition is for His glory. She may
never be healed this side of Heaven but something tells me she doesn’t really
care, because something inside her is going to point others to Him in ways I can’t
do on my two good legs. She is a joy and a
blessing. Family, friends, thank you for
intercessory prayer…thank you for appealing to God on Lily’s behalf for so many
years. My life is richer because of
prayer and because of HIS will, HIS plans.
I still don’t have answers to all those questions everyone asked, except
this…His will for our family was Lily.
Haiti just happened to be where she lived. Little did we know we would fall in love with
Haiti, with friends there, with the kids left behind. His plan is still being revealed and today,
today I transfer my trust to Him. Today,
my children are His. Today, I trust in
His continuing plans, His future for us.
Keep
praying…her story still has a lot left to be determined….
