But the angel said to her, “Do not be
afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God.
You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him
the name Jesus. He will be great and
will be called the Son of the Most High.
The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will
reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will NEVER END.” Luke 1:30-33
This time three years ago I was planning
to meet my baby girl. We would soon be face to face. I was scared to death of all the
unknowns I was about to encounter. I was afraid of a country I had yet to visit,
and one I knew very little about. I was scared to embrace the unknowns of a child whose
condition wasn’t certain and neither was her future. Even more, I was scared of the
goodbye that would have to take place five days later.
I will never forget the first time she was
placed in my arms. I was heading up a
pair of steps at her orphanage taking a tour of the place, and she was handed to me. Right there on those steps, a flood of emotions. There I was and finally there she was, face to face, in my arms. She was tiny.
She had a blank stare on her face.
She was beautiful. Five days were
spent with her and her friends. That
trip changed my life. On the plane ride
home I made a list of everything I could remember about her. I didn’t know when or if I would ever see her
again. A sweet friend gave me some advice for the plane ride home, "Don't dwell on the goodbye, dwell on her and remember everything you can about
her." So, I began to write. I often look back over that list and one day that list will become hers. So much of what I saw that day is still her. I remember telling Brad that trip, “I will
come back here only to pick her up and take her home AND that is it.” I never wanted to make that trip again,
unless she was coming home. Many more
trips later, friends have been made, this country has captivated my heart and my
life is forever changed. During one of
those trips I can remember a distinct prayer I prayed to the Lord as she was sleeping on my chest. I vowed to Him, "I will fight for this child for as long as it
takes. AS LONG AS IT TAKES" Little did I know how long...
Fast forward three long years… well,
years that seemed long, but now just seem like a short memory. I learned so much in the waiting. I learned how to pray, and pray fervently. I learned how to persevere. I learned how to not give up when things get
tough and don’t go your way, but most importantly I learned that doing things
God’s way is so much sweeter. Even
though plans change, even though times are tough, even though sometimes it
doesn’t make sense, His way is best. He
teaches, He loves, and He shows how good He is even when circumstances might
say otherwise. He teaches how strong He
is and how weak we are. He shows how
powerful He is, and how He is the Alpha and Omega…He sees the plan from
beginning to end and only He knows which part of the plan we are at. I’m so thankful for a Father that uses broken
people for things that are way bigger than they are capable of handling. Today, I’m so thankful for who He is because
I am nothing without Him. And without
Him, I would not be Lily’s mom.
I have written about this journey…the
good, the bad and the ugly parts. I have
been honest…at times too honest. But I wanted
others to see the hardship of this and see how beautiful the Lord really is in
all this. The last eighteen months have
been the toughest eighteen months of my life.
I often questioned the Lord…I think I’ve asked Him a billion times are
you sure you got the right momma for her.
And every time He showed me what needed to be changed about myself to
become the right momma for her. I have a
very special friend who happens to be a social worker. We have walked through some tough stuff together. She doesn’t have children yet, and often
times I remember us saying throughout this journey (of many social workers) how
can this person tell us what to do when they don’t have any kids… but not her. I know her
heart. I know how much she loves the Lord.
I know how much she loves me and my kid and how much she wants to see
her healed. Not just physical healing,
but emotionally and spiritually. Her
heart for what she does amazes me. So when
she speaks I listen and I learn. I
have come to know wisdom is found in learning…not in knowing what you think you
know. She has challenged me in ways she
will never know and she speaks truth to my heart when it’s needed. She came at a time when Lily and I both
needed her teaching. And for that I am ever
grateful. The Lord knows who and when to
position. We are now coming out of a
very difficult season, but new beginnings are blossoming. Healing is and continues to take place. Relationships are being deepened and trust
has been established. This little person
has brought life to us. Life we didn’t
even know we needed.
We have four surgeries behind us. And who knows how many more ahead. I have learned to just rest in the present
and not look to the future too much.
This little, fierce kid of mine has taught me so much. We started this journey with intentions of
bringing home a healthy little girl we would name Amyiah Nicole Dobson. We now have a healthy fierce four year old
named Schneily Dulcema who rides a pink wheelchair and goes by the nickname
Lily. I am having a hard time teaching
her not to talk to strangers because her personality is so captivating and
everywhere we go someone always ends up in conversation with her. She is incredibly smart. She is by far the most independent little
thing I have ever met, and if you know Anna Lee you would question if that is
possible. She loves deeply and has a
laugh that comes from her soul and you can’t help but to laugh with her. She has music in her soul and bounces to any
kind of beat she hears. She asks a
million questions a day, and she loves to sleep with her sister. That bond between them has been the most satisfying thing
to watch. I’ll never forget the tears
that fell from Anna lee the first time she had to leave her and tell her goodbye. That day my heart shattered into a million pieces. I stayed strong, but as I sat in a cold shower in Haiti tears fell for two kids who would remain separated for two more years. This sister bond is serious stuff. They fight but oh, how they protect one
another…and form a fierce allegiance against us if needed. Lily has been a part of an incredible school who has partnered with us. They have been incredible. The Lord prompted someone, to pay for her entire year...thousands of dollars...He has taken care of every little detail for this little one. For this, we are ever grateful to whoever helped us when we didn't know where tuition would come from. When I pull up in car pool line, most often there is one of her
classmates yelling from their car, “there’s Lily, there’s Lily.” They love her too. She doesn’t go anywhere that she doesn’t draw
attention because that’s just how bold she is.
She prays and she knows Jesus made her extremely special. She loves Christmas. Right after the tree went up she began asking every stranger she met, "Do you have a Christmas?" Again, problems with the stranger stuff... She loves Christmas so much because she knows so
much of it is about spending time with her family. She loves her family and she loves the
togetherness. She especially loves
having grandparents. My dad is a retired
grumpy police officer. His job made him
tough and calloused…and grumpy. But
Lily, Lily makes him laugh more than anything.
I’ll never forget walking through the airport at 1:30 am after a long 10
hours of traveling. She was asleep in
her stroller and the only welcoming committee we had was my mom, my dad and my
step mom. The only one we needed. The tears that fell that early morning, especially
from my dad is a special memory I will always have. She captivated his heart
that day, pretty much like she has everyone else. It’s been hard, this adoption thing, it has
pretty much torn me down, but only for the Lord to build me back up in
Him. I’m still learning how to be Lily’s
mom, but there is nothing else I would rather do. My children have taught me more about Love
and the Lord than anything else, and I am so thankful to be their mom. They couldn’t be any more different, yet so
much alike and for that I am thankful.
I’m only Lily’s mom because Jesus came into
the world as a baby, and then later died on the cross for my sins. He tore the veil and made a way for my
relationship with the Father. He gave us
eternal life. He conquered hell and the
grave and made way for life eternally.
He made way for intimacy with Him.
Though that intimacy lives were changed…forever. Lily was given a family, a family that she
thanks Jesus for every night. We aren’t
perfect, we are flawed but we are hers.
She was given a family, and we were given life through her, life
abundantly, life that we didn’t know existed, life that teaches us true love
and compassion. Last Christmas was tough…not
gonna lie. We were still adjusting,
learning and just plain not happy about what the Lord planned for us. But this Christmas, this Christmas is full of
Joy. Because in Him we are complete, we
have learned to love, and His Joy is not based on circumstances it’s based on
Him. He made our family complete. In ways we didn’t even know we need. I’m so thankful for baby Jesus, because baby
Jesus grew up, He grew up the Son of the Most High. The Lord God gave Him His throne and HIS
KINGDOM WILL NEVER END.
Merry
Christmas,
Brad,
Jennifer, Anna Lee & Lily…a family complete
