But our citizenship is in heaven.

But our citizenship is in heaven.  And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.  Therefore, my brothers, you whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, that is how you should stand first in the Lord, dear friends!

  Philippians 3:20-21, 4-1

        Lily is growing, and healing.  The last year has been one of exhaling and seeing fruit.  Tomorrow will mark the day we have been hoping for.  Tomorrow will be a day of rejoicing and celebrating.  A journey finally complete and nothing but the future ahead.  God’s timing is perfect.  Even if, at times, it didn’t feel good and make sense along the way. 

        This summer Lily tried track and field.  I don’t think she realizes just how talented she is.  One day she will but for now she is experiencing life to the fullest.  Sometimes it’s hard keeping up with her spirit for life.  It’s like she was held captive in her thoughts, emotions, body, and circumstances for three plus years, and now she is exploding life.  She is making up for lost time. 

There are moments I get to experience with her, that I tuck away and treasure.  This happened during one practice a few months ago. Towards the end of season Lily was really getting the hang of track.  She was getting use to the chair, the coaches, and the track.  Lily hasn’t figured this out yet, but she is a fierce competitor.  She is and will be a force to be reckoned with.  I am sure her coach noticed this as well, and one practice she pushed her a little harder than most.  Lily was getting used to her chair on the track and man, she is fast.  About half-way through her laps I could tell she was getting tired.  Coach kept pushing her.  I could see tears were coming and about to fall.  Few more laps and they did.  She stopped came over to me and the water works began.  We talked through whether she was tired or in pain.  Anna Lee gave some encouragement on an athlete/sister level.  Her coach came over encouraged and talked through what it meant to quit or keep going.  She encouraged her not to quit and to finish.  She got herself together, got back on the track and finished.  She had the option to quit that day.  She had the option to sit in her sorrow, feel sorry for herself, or become an athlete, dig deep, and finish strong.  But what happened after that is what encouraged my momma heart.  She finished her laps and her practice.  After practice, she could have put up her chair, grabbed her stuff and left.  But she didn’t.  She finished her laps, and then she started helping put up the track and field equipment.  She helped clear the court.  She helped her teammates and coaches not only finish practice but clean up after practice.  She was learning life skills in that moment.  My seven-year-old, who came from nothing is now learning character.  She is learning how to be a good human.  She is learning how not to quit when things get hard.  She is learning how to put others first when everything in her has been engrained to fight for yourself to stay alive.  She is learning to trust.  She is learning how much she is loved, not only by us but by a Father who never left her, who’s plans are far better for her than anything we could have imagine. 

        Tomorrow Schneily Dulcema Dobson will become a United States Citizen.  A journey that we embarked on 7 years ago, before this baby was even born, will finally come to an amazing end.  The last “paperwork” step will happen.  And life for Lily will finally be secure.  I never imagined this journey of adoption would look like this for us.  But looking back now, I am so thankful for the story God wrote for Lily and for us.  The growth and learning that has come for all of us.  I often wondered why it took so long.  I can see now why it did.  Too many reasons to type and share, but I am so thankful it is happening now, instead of this time last year, or the year before, or the year before that.  Because what’s happened in this last year of our lives together as a family has been beautiful.  It’s been full of healing for all of us.  It’s been full of falling in love with a daughter the Lord knew we all needed.  It’s been full of learning to trust and love like the Father loves us.  Lily has taught us more about loving like Jesus than anything else in life.  She has changed our lives for the better.  And tomorrow we celebrate.  She becomes a citizen but that is not the most important thing that will happen in her life, yet.

        My prayer has always been that she experiences the love of Jesus and one day she accepts His gift of eternal life.  And becomes a citizen of Heaven.  Where one day she will be fully healed, fully restored, no more broken body, no more broken emotions, all because of Him.

        Tomorrow we celebrate all HE HAS DONE!  #nolimitlily You are loved, you are wanted, you are a treasure and you are HIS.

 

Be Still...

Be still and know that I am God.  Psalm 46:10

I am not good at being still.  It’s not in my Dunna (DNA-watch Zootopia).  I feel like I am unproductive if I am still for too long.  That isn’t a bad thing.  I get stuff done.  But the Lord is also teaching me to rest.  And rest doesn’t necessarily mean sitting still either. 

It’s been a hard week at our house this week.  Business life was crazy, kid schedule was crazy, Lily is ALWAYS crazy so let’s just say lots of crazy.  Last night my kids wanted family camp out. What that means is we pull out an air mattress, wedge it between our wrap around couch, and everyone piles in.  I wanted my big comfy bed, with my squishy pillows, next to my husband with no kids.  I just wanted sleep.  Uninterrupted comfortable sleep.  Instead I caved to family camp out.  I took the couch and my body feels it this morning.  I am tired but a good tired.  Because when I woke up, I got an unexpected teaching from the Lord.  I have felt like I have had a few of those this week.

It started with an impromptu visit to the library on Tuesday.  We had some time to kill in between swimming lessons, picking Anna Lee up from gym, and then track practice.  I gave Lily the option of eating our packed lunch at the Lakeshore Foundation (an amazing place that Lily has blossomed at) or a trip to the Library.    She loves ALL things books, so Library it was.  It was raining and wheelchairs and rain just suck.  Lakeshore would have been easier but Library it was.  We got parked and got inside without getting too wet.  That is something to celebrate.  Grabbed a spot for lunch, then went in search of books and a quiet place to read.  I am pausing this and filling you in on life with Lily lately.

It’s hard.  It’s tiring and sometimes there isn’t time for rest.  With her body make up she can’t reach her feet.  Which means she can’t dress herself or even pull her underpants up yet.  She is getting heavier which means getting around is getting more challenging.  Remodels and updates to our home, in order to give her more independence, needs to be made.  She is realizing differences in herself more often than she used to.  She is a Haitian baby in an all-white family.  That matters to her sometimes.  She is living in a world where most people walk, and she does not.  That matters to her.  There are emotional crises that pop up from time to time.  So, you get the picture.  Lots of challenges going on right now. 

Back to the Library.  Lily wheels through the kid section armed with the task of pulling a few books she wants to read.  She finds the ones she wants, and we are off to find a space to read.  The second book she picked out had a giant green hippo on the front.  It looked like a circus book, filled with fun animals.  BUT the story it was filled with was just what we both needed in that quiet corner of the Library that day.  It went something like this.  A sweet little hippo family, in the zoo, had a hippo baby.  Everyone was excited about this sweet little hippo baby until the hippo was born green.  He didn’t look like any of the other hippos or the animals, and he made everyone feel uncomfortable with his giant green self.  He was sad and never really fit in.  So, he left with the hopes of finding his fit in none other than New York City.  When “Greenie” got to the big city he found that everyone there also thought he was weird and green.  He still felt like an outcast until he met a little boy on the playground one day.  This little boy’s favorite color was green.  So, you can guess what happened next.  They became best friends.  Greenie found his fit and his family and they lived happily ever after! 

Lily looked at me with the biggest grin and I knew a little bit of healing took place in her heart with just a small children’s book that she could identify with.  That book was just a quick pick of the shelf, but I whispered a prayer to Jesus thanking Him for the placement of that book on the shelf that was easily accessible to Lily, and that she just happened to pick it up.  That book changed the whole dynamic of our day.  And it happened because I allowed interruption and rest. 

As I looked at my sleeping family this morning, I was encouraged.  It was this time four years ago we went to battle in Haiti.  We fought hard for a visa that would give our little girl a life.  I remembered those four years before she came home.  Pouring my soul out to the Lord in the same spot on my couch, that I was now watching them sleep from.  I would cry and plead for a way home.  We watched quite a few kids come home before Lily.  We rejoiced with each family, and praised Jesus that one more baby was brought into a forever family.  But it was HARD.  It was HARD in the waiting, and in the being still.  It was HARD watching Anna Lee rejoice, but cry when no one was watching because she was unsure if her sister would ever come home.  Secretly I wondered the same thing.  It took so long.  Yet this morning as I watched them all sleep, I was reminded of what all God has done.  Be Still and Know that I am God. 

When David was anointed King, he didn’t step into the throne immediately.  He went back to the fields.  He went back to be a shepherd, then he served in the palace under Saul.  Then he hid from Saul.  Lots and lots of time passed for David from the time he was anointed king until the time he became the king.  I often wonder what that must have felt like knowing God ordained you for a purpose, but that purpose had to wait, and you had to watch from afar.  Then, this morning I realized I knew.  I have always known Lily was my daughter.  From the moments God whispered to my heart in a worship service, “She is your daughter, and she is coming home.”  We had been praying for Lily by name for weeks and weeks in the very early stages of our process.  We knew this little girl was not our kid, but we were inclined to pray for her to find a family.  We just had a soft spot for her and her story.  We were not supposed to adopt a baby (she was 6 months at this time) or a kid with special needs, especially a kiddo in a wheelchair.  That was NOT the plan.  But on that Wednesday night, so many years ago, as I prayed for this baby Lily to find her forever home God whispered to my heart, “She is your daughter and she is coming HOME.”  I remember asking Him why He was finally reveling this to me after I had been praying for weeks and weeks for this baby.  He whispered back, “Because this is the first time you have stood still in my presence long enough to listen.”  That night set a journey, a path, a fight, on mission to bring this baby home.  And now here she slept, at family camp out, in the living room where she has grown so much, and her momma fought on her knees all those years in prayer for her to come home. 

I realized in this moment what it meant to be still and know.  To rest in His truth, and presence.  It is taking captive these moments.  To let life interrupt your plans.  To let God take control and remold and remake what you thought things should look like.  To embrace the moments that can teach and change you.  To go against what is comfortable and dive into moments that produce love, learning, and acceptance. 

God has been changing us all through this journey called life.  But it takes us being willing to accept His interruptions for our lives.  And us being willing to change and be molded to His plan that may look nothing like ours.  And then it takes us being willing to have family camp out even when the bed is more comfortable. 

Be Still and Know that I AM GOD.

He restores my soul...

He restores my soul…Psalm 23:3

I’ve had this blog written in my heart for a while now.  I just haven’t been able to put it on paper yet.  I’ve been too angry.  Thankfully, my church has embarked on a journey called 40 Days of Prayer.  It’s simple really.  But it has been so healing for my heart.  It’s scripture that I know.  But for some reason God is using it to melt this heart of stone.  To remind me who He is.  To remind me that He cares about EVERY.  SINGLE.  DETAIL.

I few weeks ago, maybe more, I received an envelope in the mail.  One we were waiting on for quite some time.  I have received lots of envelopes from immigration over the past 3 ½ years, so I know well the markings, the paper colors, and the thickness of how many documents they are requiring this time.  I’ve somewhat learned the extensive process and swallowed how ridiculously expensive citizenship in our great country is.  When I opened the mailbox that Saturday my heart dropped.  I knew I held my daughter’s future in my hand.  Not too long ago we were in Haiti to fight a battle that seemed already lost.  You would have thought I would have learned that God has already fought this battle for me. He has it taken care of! He provided a miracle in Port au Prince back in November.  One I still can not believe I got to live and witness.  You would think my fear would be gone, and I would be able to open this document without worry.  I am a slow learner.  It took me a good fifteen minutes to open it.  I am thankful Lily has no idea the fight that has gone on behind the scenes, on her behalf.  One day she will know, but for now she is just a six year old little girl who thinks she can conquer the world.  As she watched her cartoons that Saturday morning, Brad, Anna Lee and I opened our government's response for Lily’s future.  Her green card had been approved.  Tears, joy, excitement and relief!  I held in my hand the very paper we had wished for, prayed for, begged for, and dreamed of for 3 ½ years.  I snapped a pic of the document and sent it to a few friends, and our immigration attorney, to confirm what I thought the letter said.  It was still a little confusing to read, but in all I thought she was being granted her green card.  They confirmed what I thought and man it was a sigh of relief.  For about a day.

How do you respond when God answers a prayer but not in the way you thought He would?  I have learned, I have a good bit of Israelite in me.  When my prayer isn’t answered in a neat little package with little or no growth required from me I grumble, I complain, I stomp my feet, and I get angry.  I feel like I wander around in my own desert, in circles, until I give in and say okay God your way.  You see our immigration attorney confirmed her green card.  BUT there was another step to her citizenship I guess I overlooked.  Once you have been approved for a green card, which only gave her legal residence in the US for 10 years (so until she is 16) THEN you can file for permanent citizenship.  Guess what that meant?  MORE PAPERWORK.  MORE MONEY.  MORE WAITING.  MORE STEPS.  I stomped, I cried, and I got angry.  I was not prepared to hand over the $3100 needed for this “last” step.  I was still secretly mad we had to spend all we did in November for a fight that really was unnecessary in my opinion.  God was revealing things in my soul that needed to go.  I let Him know I was angry.  A LOT.  I let Him know this was stupid.  A LOT.  I have stomped around for the better part of well since we got that letter until two weeks ago when I mailed that stupid check.  This was not how I planned this to go.  Even in my stomping and complaining, He was faithful to provide enough work for our bills AND this extra immigration $$$ that we didn’t know was coming.  He was faithful to provide people to come along side and walk us through this extremely difficult and confusing process.  He was faithful to provide godly friends that would point us back to Him when the weight of all this seemed too much.  Instead of focusing on the miracles God had done, the walls He broke down, the healing that has taken place in Lily and our family, I was focusing on everything that caused me pain and grief.  Things that I couldn’t control.  Things that I wanted to hold onto that I didn’t need.  He is a good Father like that.  To add another step in this long painful yet joyful process to continue to refine me.  To continue to build my hope and trust in Him.  I could be still waiting on Him to bring Lily home.  I know families that are still waiting on their children to come home from Haiti.  I am thankful the Lord is letting us fight this battle with her in her home.  We are fighting with her here, surround by love and learning what having a family is all about.  She is healing and thriving.  This journey has been painful for all of us.  But is has also been filled with joy that I cannot explain.  It has been filled with miracles, mountain tops, and valleys.  This little girl who has exploded our world has continued to challenge what I know to be true.  She has opened the gospel to us.  She has taught us what it really means to love like Jesus.  It’s messy, it’s unpredictable, it’s challenging, it often hurts, but it brokenly beautiful. 

The last few weeks God has restored my soul by reminding me who He is.  He is a good father that knows every need we have. Through this 40 days of prayer He is pouring scripture into a weary soul that is being reminded just what kind of God we serve.

If you, then, knows how to give good gifts to his children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him! Matthew 7:11

How precious are your thoughts about ME, O God?  They cannot be numbered!  I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand!  Psalm 139:17

Even when we are too weak to have any faith left, God remains faithful to us and will help us. 2 Timothy 2:13

For I am convinced that neither death not life, neither angels not demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

Do not be anxious about anything, but in EVERYTHING by prayer and supplication present your requests to God.  And the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

I no longer call you servant, I call you friend.  John 15:15

We are now waiting on the final say from immigration.  All the money has been paid, the forms filled out, and our life has once again been submitted to the mercy of someone sitting at a desk reviewing our family on paper.  We are waiting to see if they grant my daughter permanent residency here, with me, with her family, in the second country she will call home.  She belongs here.  God placed us together for a reason.  We make each other better.  We are stronger together.  We need her and she needs us.  And we all need God.  He is still refining us, still growing us, and still placing extra steps along the way to ensure that I know how good He really is.  I am thankful for His word that speaks life into me, even when I am wandering in my desert.  Friend, God doesn’t send trails because He is angry.  He sends them for you to truly know who He is.  One day Lily will look back over all the struggle, all the surgeries, all the pain, all the issues of abandonment, all the internal struggles she deals with from not being able to walk, and she will see that she is fearfully and wonderfully made.  She will see she has a family that will go to battle for her and that she has a God who moved heaven and earth to give her freedom.  And He did not wait on us to get “perfect” before He did.  He used broken messes of people, who screw up, who grumble, who are slow learners and take a minute to get it together.  He uses us right where we are.  He is right in the middle of the mess making it beautiful.

We can be sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good! Romans 8:28

He restores my Soul.    

Lord, I trust you with Lily.  With this final step.  With this refinement process.  Make the broken beautiful.  I think I am finally giving it up, and handing it back over to you.  You do a much better job than me.  You are a good, good Father, and I am so thankful you call me friend.