Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10
I am not good at being still. It’s not in my Dunna (DNA-watch Zootopia). I feel like I am unproductive if I am still
for too long. That isn’t a bad
thing. I get stuff done. But the Lord is also teaching me to
rest. And rest doesn’t necessarily mean
sitting still either.
It’s been a hard week at our house
this week. Business life was crazy, kid
schedule was crazy, Lily is ALWAYS crazy so let’s just say lots of crazy. Last night my kids wanted family camp out.
What that means is we pull out an air mattress, wedge it between our wrap
around couch, and everyone piles in. I
wanted my big comfy bed, with my squishy pillows, next to my husband with no
kids. I just wanted sleep. Uninterrupted comfortable sleep. Instead I caved to family camp out. I took the couch and my body feels it this
morning. I am tired but a good
tired. Because when I woke up, I got an
unexpected teaching from the Lord. I
have felt like I have had a few of those this week.
It started with an impromptu visit to
the library on Tuesday. We had some time
to kill in between swimming lessons, picking Anna Lee up from gym, and then
track practice. I gave Lily the option
of eating our packed lunch at the Lakeshore Foundation (an amazing place that
Lily has blossomed at) or a trip to the Library. She loves ALL things books, so Library it
was. It was raining and wheelchairs and
rain just suck. Lakeshore would have
been easier but Library it was. We got
parked and got inside without getting too wet.
That is something to celebrate.
Grabbed a spot for lunch, then went in search of books and a quiet place
to read. I am pausing this and filling you
in on life with Lily lately.
It’s hard. It’s tiring and sometimes there isn’t time
for rest. With her body make up she can’t
reach her feet. Which means she can’t
dress herself or even pull her underpants up yet. She is getting heavier which means getting
around is getting more challenging. Remodels
and updates to our home, in order to give her more independence, needs to be
made. She is realizing differences in
herself more often than she used to. She
is a Haitian baby in an all-white family.
That matters to her sometimes. She
is living in a world where most people walk, and she does not. That matters to her. There are emotional crises that pop up from
time to time. So, you get the picture. Lots of challenges going on right now.
Back to the Library. Lily wheels through the kid section armed
with the task of pulling a few books she wants to read. She finds the ones she wants, and we are off
to find a space to read. The second book
she picked out had a giant green hippo on the front. It looked like a circus book, filled with fun
animals. BUT the story it was filled
with was just what we both needed in that quiet corner of the Library that day. It went something like this. A sweet little hippo family, in the zoo, had
a hippo baby. Everyone was excited about
this sweet little hippo baby until the hippo was born green. He didn’t look like any of the other hippos
or the animals, and he made everyone feel uncomfortable with his giant green
self. He was sad and never really fit in. So, he left with the hopes of finding his fit
in none other than New York City. When “Greenie”
got to the big city he found that everyone there also thought he was weird and
green. He still felt like an outcast
until he met a little boy on the playground one day. This little boy’s favorite color was
green. So, you can guess what happened
next. They became best friends. Greenie found his fit and his family and they
lived happily ever after!
Lily looked at me with the biggest
grin and I knew a little bit of healing took place in her heart with just a
small children’s book that she could identify with. That book was just a quick pick of the shelf,
but I whispered a prayer to Jesus thanking Him for the placement of that book
on the shelf that was easily accessible to Lily, and that she just happened to
pick it up. That book changed the whole dynamic
of our day. And it happened because I allowed
interruption and rest.
As I looked at my sleeping family
this morning, I was encouraged. It was
this time four years ago we went to battle in Haiti. We fought hard for a visa that would give our
little girl a life. I remembered those
four years before she came home. Pouring
my soul out to the Lord in the same spot on my couch, that I was now watching
them sleep from. I would cry and plead
for a way home. We watched quite a few
kids come home before Lily. We rejoiced
with each family, and praised Jesus that one more baby was brought into a forever
family. But it was HARD. It was HARD in the waiting, and in the being
still. It was HARD watching Anna Lee
rejoice, but cry when no one was watching because she was unsure if her sister
would ever come home. Secretly I wondered
the same thing. It took so long. Yet this morning as I watched them all sleep,
I was reminded of what all God has done.
Be Still and Know that I am God.
When David was anointed King, he didn’t
step into the throne immediately. He
went back to the fields. He went back to
be a shepherd, then he served in the palace under Saul. Then he hid from Saul. Lots and lots of time passed for David from the
time he was anointed king until the time he became the king. I often wonder what that must have felt like
knowing God ordained you for a purpose, but that purpose had to wait, and you
had to watch from afar. Then, this morning
I realized I knew. I have always known Lily
was my daughter. From the moments God
whispered to my heart in a worship service, “She is your daughter, and she is
coming home.” We had been praying for Lily
by name for weeks and weeks in the very early stages of our process. We knew this little girl was not our kid, but
we were inclined to pray for her to find a family. We just had a soft spot for her and her
story. We were not supposed to adopt a
baby (she was 6 months at this time) or a kid with special needs, especially a
kiddo in a wheelchair. That was NOT the
plan. But on that Wednesday night, so
many years ago, as I prayed for this baby Lily to find her forever home God
whispered to my heart, “She is your daughter and she is coming HOME.” I remember asking Him why He was finally reveling
this to me after I had been praying for weeks and weeks for this baby. He whispered back, “Because this is the first
time you have stood still in my presence long enough to listen.” That night set a journey, a path, a fight, on
mission to bring this baby home. And now
here she slept, at family camp out, in the living room where she has grown so
much, and her momma fought on her knees all those years in prayer for her to
come home.
I realized in this moment what it
meant to be still and know. To rest in
His truth, and presence. It is taking
captive these moments. To let life
interrupt your plans. To let God take
control and remold and remake what you thought things should look like. To embrace the moments that can teach and
change you. To go against what is
comfortable and dive into moments that produce love, learning, and
acceptance.
God has been changing us all through
this journey called life. But it takes
us being willing to accept His interruptions for our lives. And us being willing to change and be molded
to His plan that may look nothing like ours.
And then it takes us being willing to have family camp out even when the
bed is more comfortable.
Be Still and Know that I AM GOD.
