May the God of hope fill you with all JOY and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13 There is one thing we have learned about adoption. It is always evolving, changing, and providing choices to stay where you are, or rip the scares apart, deal with them, and force yourself to change. Over the past seven years, we have started an adoption process, fought medical visa’s (twice-first was denied), brought our baby home, endured 12 plus surgeries, while fighting immigration on the U.S. side, adopted our baby, fought immigration again for citizenship, flew to Haiti to endure some very difficult meetings to ensure citizenship, and finally last year celebrated the finalized process of adoption, immigration, and citizenship. The paperwork journey had ended. Lily’s paperwork life was finalized. However, the emotional roller coaster of adoption remained. Over the past year we have been able to breathe again. We have not had to question what life was going to look like if things did not work out as they did. We have been able to sleep. Not worrying about what would happen if the paperwork was not approved. Not worrying about the financial restraints of the immigration and adoption process. Over the course of seven years we paid for the adoption twice. Crooked agencies, lawyers etc. do a number on your sanity and bank account. Immigration is intimidating and expensive as well. To fight the U.S. immigration processes was around 20K. That is another conversation for another day. So, for those of you who love to say, “They should do it the right way” (meaning immigrants) explain to me what mother fleeing a 3rd or 4th world country, poverty, famine, and abuse, could possibly come here and “do it the right way”? Shell out the money we have, at the lovely liberty that we could afford an awfully expensive, good attorney to walk us through this ridiculous process. I will leave that alone for now, as that topic is for another day. But you get the picture. We can finally rest and breathe and just do life. Except, emotional scares do not go away. It has been a really good year for Lily. She is growing. And accepting. And each day she has more questions, and each day we try to find the right answers to bring healing to her soul. Because aside from all the obstacles she must endure from her legs and wheelchair, her soul suffers much more than her physical body. I try to be aware of this. I try to offer grace. I try to be the mom she needs, so that when she gets older, she will look back and not be angry at her situation but embrace all God has done for her. Sometimes, I fail miserably. And sometimes, I get it so right. It is the balancing the two that is exhausting. This time last year we were at a fundraising event for Lily. It was a difficult time for Lily. She had really been struggling emotionally, and I was spent. Exhausted. This would be one month and 4 days before she would accept the greatest gift she ever received, and her soul would truly begin to heal. One month and 4 days before she would accept the greatest gift of all. Jesus. I received a text message after the show. I remember the exact place, the exact time, the exact moment I was when I received this text. We were in the car on the way home from grocery shopping. My kids were out of control that day. One smart mouthed strong will battle from one and the other was right on her heels. It had been one of those days. And I had lost my temper. I yelled at everyone, and I was done with all the crap they had thrown my way that day. I was feeling like a loser mom. I was sure I made a fool of myself in Costco parking lot. My kids were crying. Brad and I were not our best and we were just not thankful, grateful, or anything close this close to thanksgiving. It was one of those days. And the following word from the Lord is what I received in the middle of our storm of life. Jennifer, I was at PWAP last night and mentioned to Lily that she would change the world one day and that her joy was infectious. I don’t know your story, but the Lord continued to speak to me concerning Lily all night. I almost went back to PWAP to tell you, but it was over by the time I could go back. So, I asked for your information and thankfully they gave it to me. Forgive me if this is a little weird for you, but I have learned that when the Lord speaks, I listen. And it is not often that He clearly gives me a recipient so quickly and so tangibly. God told me that Lily’s impact will affect nations. Not only in a blanket statement of “she’s a world changer” kind of way but that her joy will change the trajectory of lives. He told me that “Laughter will bubble up in the bellies of the oppressed” because of Lily. I had to pull over on the side of the road because I could feel the impact she would have on people. I started sobbing feeling like my life had just been changed with a single glimpse of her joy. Multiply that for the thousands that will be affected by her love. She won’t just change the world. She will redefine what it means. “Trajectory” was a word He kept placing on my heart for her. I got that message at the worst possible time. I was mad at her. I was tired with her. And it was heavy. God knew what He was doing. He always has and always will. He sent that to me at a low point. He reminded me there is still work, deep, gospel work to be done in Lily’s life. One month later I would watch that same smart mouth kid, lead her aggravating sister to the Lord and it was beautiful. And that set my heart on fire and reminded me of the prophesy from that stranger a month prior for my daughter. I now know there is much at stake for Lily. For us. For those she has touched and will touch. I have gone back to this often. It still gives me chills each time I read it. It still rises a fire in my soul for the ground she will cover for Christ. It still reminds me parenting her heart and soul matter, because she will help change things I can not even begin to imagine. Fast forward a year. I took my kids to Rosh Hashanah. It was a beautiful service full of rich tradition. Lily sang and danced. She has a love of life that is infectious. She does not meet a stranger, and she lives each moment she is given to the fullest. It was a three-hour service. And she drank every bit of it into her soul. At the end of the service the Rabbi asked if there was anyone that needed prayer. The service was over. We were chatting, and I looked around and did not see Lily. I scanned the room and there she was. Tapping on the Rabbi. None of us around her, she boldly approached, and before I got to her she was already engaged in conversation. This baby that never spoke in Haiti, that kept her emotions locked up and locked in, was bold and asking. As I walked over to her she was explaining where she was from, what happened to her legs, and that she wanted healing to walk. She had already climbed out of her chair and was seated on the floor with the Rabbi next to her and another woman who was there praying as well. I kneeled into their conversation, and I see my child owning her disability. Owning her journey. Owning all of what has happened to her and laying it at the feet of Jesus. The Rabbi listened and was ready to pray. He grabbed Lily’s hand to pray and immediately stopped. It was as if lightening had just gone through this prayer circle. He pulled back and said, “Before I pray, I need to tell you something Lily.” “God told me to tell you He is pleased with YOU. He finds JOY in YOU. He DELIGHTS in YOU.” He went on to speak life, the words of God into her soul and she drank it in. And all I could think about it how I parented her that week. Everything I corrected, everything I scolded, everything I did not praise or pour life into. Every bit of joy from her I wasted. I felt 3 inches tall. And in that moment, I saw Lily as God sees Lily. Full of joy, full of laughter, full of hope, full of life, and that SHE WILL change the trajectory of this world. As I was realizing all of this and wallowing in my downfall, the woman grabbed my hand to pray, looked me in the eyes, and said God has a word for you too. “He is pleased with you, He loves you, and delights in you.” It was salve for my weary soul. I learned something about my God that night. That He is kind, gentle, and caring about every detail. Of each of our lives. That night Lily and I were just daughters of the King. Not mom and daughter, but sisters sitting before their Father being lifted up to Him. We were both there for healing and hope. Restoration and Laughter. Joy and Revival. God spoke life and love into our hearts. He is not a dictator and keeper of wrong, but a God of true love. He allows you to come just as you are. Broken and beautiful to Him. I experienced Him in new ways that night and it has continued ever since. Joy is also a choice. Especially in the world we live in now. And that night He showed me how to have true Joy and Rest in Him. Last night we were at church for a movie night. Lily was shuffling in the seat she was in. I could tell her hips were starting to hurt. If she sits in one position too long her body begins to ache. I watched her ask her sister if she could climb into her lap. She did. And as Anna Lee scooped her up, wrapped her arms around her and pulled her in tight it was a picture of what Jesus does for us. When we hurt, if we just let Him, He will scoop us up. Hold us tight. And remind us who we are to Him. These girls of mine will change the world. I am speaking it into their lives. Parents are you positioning your kids to hear from the Lord? Are you allowing them experiences with the Lord that will outweigh the experiences of this world? Are they seeing love in your life or hate, anger, and everything that is going wrong, instead of, right? Or are you choosing joy during painful circumstances. Are you living triumphantly or defeated? Opinions and attitude are everywhere these days. And my question to you is do they know your opinions and attitude, or do they know your God and His gospel.