Speak Lord, for your servant is listening!

“Speak Lord, for your servant is listening.”  1 Samuel 3:9

 

     Throughout this journey I am finding the Lord using this extra time during this process, until we bring our daughter home, to refine me and fine tune me to His liking.  Most of the time I am left humbled and asking the Lord how much more do you need to teach me?  Through a bible study on Sunday our youth pastor used holiness as our measuring stick of who/what we are to strive for as Christians.  We aren’t to use others or even ourselves as measuring sticks, but we are to set our sights on Christ and becoming more like Him.  1 Peter 1:16 says, “Be holy, because I am holy. Once again I was reminded that He is everything, and I am nothing.  So when I find myself asking God, how much more do I need to change before this child comes home, He gently reminds me I am no-where close to perfection, and to keep my eyes on Him, the author and perfecter of our faith!

        There has been a child that has come across our path that Brad and I have felt compelled to pray for.  We are going to the Lord on her behalf and praying her needs are met daily, and that the lord is taking care of her.  I have often found myself sick over praying for this child and her needs, but throughout all these prayers that have been prayed for her, God gently reminded me there is another child that needs my prayers just as much, my sweet Anna Lee.  As we go through this process and have began to look at children that will possibly be in our home, we have been made aware of how pitiful these children’s lives are.  It is heart wrenching and awful what some of these kids have experienced in their short life spans, and I have often found myself seeing how blessed Anna Lee is.  I have found myself pouring my soul out to God on behalf of all these children, but I have forgotten they are His kids too, and He will provide for them and Anna Lee needs just as much prayer as well, but in a different way.

        Last night as I was tucking her in bed she asked me, “When is Jesus going to knock on my door?”  She then asked me what if I don’t hear him momma, and what do I say when He knocks?”  After I choked back tears, I said a quick prayer that God would give me the words that a six year old could understand.  Thanks Aunt Janice for the egg analogy!  That and the story of God calling Samuel quickly came to mind.  We got her bible and together we read the story of Samuel and Eli and how God called out to Samuel.  I told her the story of Hannah, Samuel’s mother, and how she prayed to God for a child and God answered her prayer.  I told her how Hannah had given Samuel back to God for His work.  As I got to the part about Hannah taking Samuel back to the temple to give Him over to God’s plans, Anna Lee stopped me and asked, “Momma why did she give something so special away that she prayed for for so long?”  She was getting it…she understood the price of God’s plans.  As she asked me that question all kinds of thoughts flooded to my mind.  I thought of our sweet girl in Haiti and of her birth mom.  I have often prayed for her mom.  I can’t imagine what it would be like to give up a child, to let someone else take care of them.  It angers me and humbles me all at the same time.  It is possible she gave my daughter up because she couldn’t afford to take care of her.  It is a very poor city, with very poor conditions.  It is possible she gave her up because there is hardly any medical care there, and she knew she would get better care if someone else adopted her.  It is possible she gave her up by God’s plans so that when we bring her home, others can see the Love of God through her.  My soul cried out to God last night on behalf of my Haitian daughter’s birth mother, and on behalf of Anna Lee who is asking lots of questions about her door being opened!  As I tucked her in she asked if I would pray for her that Jesus would knock on her door.  We did and after I cried.  As I prepared for bed God gently reminded me that yes, all these other children needed prayer and they still do, but He has already placed one child in my arms, and she needs the most important prayer of all right now.  Prayer that God will keep calling her and knocking on her door and when the time is His time, she will answer the call.

Lord, Savior, keep knocking on Anna Lee’s door and keep calling her to yourself, and when she is ready to answer help her listen!  And help her momma to remember ALL her children need prayer, and not to forsake the most important one…praying for their salvation!  Amen

Therefore I will Praise You...

Therefore I will praise you among the nations, O Lord; I will sing praises to your name. Psalm 18:49

I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me.  I have set the Lord always before me.  Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Psalm 16: 7-8

       I have learned, and continue to see nothing about adoption is normal.  Nothing about the journey comes close to being normal.  I heard a statement one time that after you have children it’s like your heart is ripped out and now walks around in the world, referring to your children.  I can see how that makes sense, as I feel that feeling often with Anna Lee.  As we have gone through this process I feel like my heart and all of my emotions are living on the outside in many different areas/scenarios/situations, and completely out of my control.  I have placed our future and the future of our children in the hands of other people, but also in the ultimate supreme power my loving Heavenly Father who knows what’s best for His children, myself included.  We are at a cross road right now of decisions.  Decisions that will impact our family greatly and decisions that will change a child’s life.  My Father already knows what decisions need to be made, however we on the other hand are seeking His will and His face.  We have determined this journey is about bringing God glory first.  So today I bring Him glory by praise.  I don’t know what my future holds, but I know Him who holds my future.  I don’t know what healing will need to take place in the child we bring home, but I know the ultimate Healer, because he healed me.  I don’t know what will take place when we travel to Haiti, but I know the ultimate place of Refuge.  I know there will be times I will be questioning this process and everything in it, but I know the one who holds ALL the answers.  So once again, while we are waiting on answers I will Praise.  I will Praise the One who paid my debt and saved this life out of the pit!  I will praise my Jesus, my Savior.  I will Praise Yahweh, the Self-Existent One, the Great I AM.  I will praise Elohim, the creator of ALL my children.  I will praise El Roi, the God Who Sees, who sees ALL my children.  I will praise El Shaddai, the All-Sufficient One.  I will praise Jehovah-Jireh, the Lord who WILL PROVIDE.  I will praise Jehovah-Rapha, the Lord who Heals, my Healer.  And I will praise Jehovah-Shalom, The Lord who is Peace.  I will stand firm in the one thing that is constant in this process and that is my Lord, and I will bring him praise.  Father our future is yours.  Do with it as you will.    

Still Amazed

ISAIAH 55

       “Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat!”

       Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy?  Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.  “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

       I still stand amazed at the miracles surrounding this process.  I still stand amazed at the generosity and Love of others who I don’t even know.  I still stand amazed that I serve a God who knows my needs more than I do, and whose ways are so much higher than my own. 

       I had a lunch meeting with a good friend today who wants to plan a fundraiser and help with our adoption journey using the talents God has given her.  We were supposed to meet at her house, but as most of us as mothers know, our houses are never cleaned.  So, to spare each other from dirty houses we decided to meet at chick fil a.  While my friend was in line she stood behind a mother of a few kids, who were all American children and in the midst of all her beautiful white children, was a beautiful African baby whom she had adopted.  My friend began talking to her and telling her of our journey, and that we too would be welcoming a beautiful brown baby into our home very soon.  As she began to tell her story, my friend told her ours.  As I arrived and sat down to meet my friend for a fundraiser planning lunch, she smiled with tears in her eyes and handed me a check for a considerable amount of money that the stranger she had just met in line, left for me.  By God’s plans we were in chick fil a today, and by God’s plans so was this generous stranger, and by God’s plans our paths crossed today, and He used her to continue to justify this path for us.  He continued to show us Mercy, He continued to show us He will provide in ALL things as long as we are being obedient to His plans.  I serve a God that shows up and shows out, and in the meantime provides for us in such unconventional ways that I can’t comprehend. I will treasure all these moments in heart for years to come.  And once again I am reminded God has overwhelmed me again and this sweet baby isn’t even home yet.  Ah, what is ahead for us!