These
commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when
you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them
on the door frames of your houses and on your gates. Deuteronomy 6:6-9
I
have realized adoption journeys are not only intended for us to grow our
family, and to bring a child into their forever home, but this journey is also
to teach us to become the people the Lord has intended us to be all along. Amongst the pain and agony of the waiting
period for this child, I have promised myself to find the small blessings the
Lord has sprinkled in for us, among the many lessons He has planned to teach us
along the way. Our journey has been a
bit different from others for reasons only the Lord knows, but today I rest in
His assurance and His promises He has so clearly given to us at different times
during this process. I am promising
today to remember all the blessings this journey has already brought our family
and our sweet baby isn’t even home yet. Tomorrow I might not be this strong,
but today, today I remember.
The latest blessing I remember and focus
on today came through a meeting. I believe this meeting was ordained by the
Lord just for me. I have really been
struggling with how long this process has taken us when we have seen others
seem to sail through effortlessly.
Lately,
I play back every mistake I have ever made and I relived every time I have made
a decision in my life that hasn’t glorified the Lord.
I do this in hopes of determining what sin I have committed, that I
haven’t apologized for so that I can just make it right and maybe the Lord will
speed this process up. Crazy I
know. I should be further along in my
spiritual journey and my relationship with the Lord to know that this IS NOT
how my Heavenly Father treats His children.
I needed an ordained meeting to help me remember who I am…a child who is
loved by her Heavenly Father regardless of past mistakes and committed sin,
because that was all taken care of when Jesus obediently laid down His life on
that cross.
Last Saturday we had a booth at a local
craft fair. A group of grandparent aged
couples walked by admiring the surroundings.
We were under a pavilion and they came to look at what all they would
need the following weekend for a Sunday School gathering that would take place
in the pavilion we were in. I thought they were there to shop my booth, but
what I ended up gaining that day far outweighed any money that they could have
given me. After I invited myself to
their Sunday School party the next weekend this sweet gentlemen that resembled
my dad, asked me, “young lady do you know Jesus?” I responded with the typical Baptist answer,
“why yes, sir I do.” He looked at me and
as if looking into my soul said, yes, but do you know Him intimately, are you
His friend, do you know who He is and what He has done for you. And every memory I have that has been stained
on my heart from my Jesus and my God came flooding into my soul and mind at
that moment. I remember the time I was
told I had cancer and during one of many many tests I was so scared and so
emotional and unsettled that I couldn’t sit still during the test, that
required me to sit still for an entire hour as radioactive material showed if
there was any other “spots” in my body.
As I laid on that table scared to death already planning my funeral and
leaving instructions for my daughter’s wedding, I felt Jesus take my hand, as
if He was sitting right next to me, and whisper in my ear my child it will be
okay. He repeated that to me over the
next few months as the waiting unfolded and I realized I would not die, not
from cancer and not at that moment anyways.
I remember a time when Anna Lee was so sick and I cried out to Him and
as I held my daughter I cried for her sickness, but I also cried for another
mother in our community who was losing her son to cancer. I served a God who not only comforted me that
night, but also walked another mother through the death of her beloved son, and
He is still walking beside her to this day.
I remember all the times throughout this journey the Lord has spoken and
so clearly given us instruction through His word and brought unimaginable peace
to our lives and our situations. I remembered
the night my daughter invited Jesus into her heart and with tears of happiness
that I also have felt so many times said she would never stop smiling. These were just a very few of the times God
has shown Himself to me, and Jesus has comforted me. And as I answered that day, why yes sir I do
know Him, I know Him intimately, I know He is my want and my need. I secretly thanked him for reminding me of the God I serve. As he began to tell me scripture like it was
burned on his heart, the Love he had for Jesus shown through his eyes and as he left
he looked at me and said I love you child.
Keep walking this walk of Faith and DO NOT give up. How many times has the Lord known how much we
have wanted to give up because it is too tough or too hard? It was as if God
had stepped into this man and spoken directly to me, and as this man walked
away I realized He had. He lived in this
man’s heart, He lived in his soul, and this man had written His words on his
doorpost and His face was radiant because he has spent time with God. He had tied His words around his neck. He had tied them as symbols on his hands and
he had bound them on his forehead. It
had become his life and he walked it and talked it and now he had given it to
me. I thought the meeting was over. I thought he was done and had given me what
the Lord wanted me to hear. He was not
done. The Lord was not done.
Ten minutes later this man walked back
over with a piece of notebook paper. I
thought he might be getting our info or something…how silly and selfish of me
to think that. He had a blank sheet of
paper with a black dot in the middle. He
asked me, young lady (a term that used to mean I was in trouble but one I now
welcome since I am now in my thirties…I will take “young” lady any day!)what do
you see. As I knew this was a trick
question I tried to come up with some educated guess like a shrink asking his
patient what he was looking at. However
all I could focus on was that little black dot in the middle of the paper. So, with all the intellect I could muster I
told him what I saw…a black dot on a piece of paper. He said you, like so many others see a paper
stained with a little black dot. You see
the ugliness of the black dot. You DON’T
see all the beautiful white writing paper left to fill. You don’t see the cleanliness of all the
white lines still left to be filled with wonderful things that will eventually
hide that black dot. He looked at me
with tears in his eyes and said my child that is how the Lord sees you. He doesn’t see your black dots, he sees the
beautiful clean places left to be filled and written on. He sees all that is left to be done, not
focused on the past and your passed mistakes but focuses on what He can do in your future. As I stood there with tears
streaming down my face in the hot sun, in the middle of a craft show, this
sweet man of God lifted his hands towards Heaven and prayed for my family and prayed
for sweet Lily. In the middle of the
blazing sun, in the middle of my craft booth that I have worked my fingers to
the bone to get this baby home, this man gave me more than any money ever
could. He gave me back my hope. From this God ordained meeting he nourished
my soul with prayers to Heaven and the Word of God. Mister I don’t know your name, and probably
never will. But yes I know Jesus, I know
Him intimately and I know I have seen Him in you.
I have looked in His face today as I looked in yours. I hope when I grow up, and I can be as bold
as this man was and pour into others Jesus and just how truly special He really
is.
Therefore,
there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1
