Today
is orphan Sunday….today my baby has been home 18 weeks and three days. Some days it feels I have had her a life time,
and others I still can’t believe she is home.
I often smell her hair. It has
the same sweet smell that it did in the orphanage. She is still the same baby I fell in love
with over five trips, and she grows into something more beautiful each
day. Now, after saying all those sweet
things, this has by far been the hardest, most soul emptying journey, we have
ever embarked on. If I questioned my
parenting skills before, I really have now.
She is nothing we ever looked for, and everything we have come to need. I thought Anna Lee was strong willed and
determined…we have now met her match.
Not only has God given me two incredibly strong willed girls, they are
both determined and both demand their own ways.
Some days I feel I do nothing right yet others, I feel the grace of a
Father covering me, because I don’t have any other option. I have learned so much, yet I still feel I have
a lifetime of learning left. Every day
is new. Some days I need a redo, a start
over from the day before. Those are the
days I am thankful for Lamentations 3:22-23, “Because of the Lord’s great love
we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your
faithfulness.” I am thankful for grace
and mercy because I need it most…along with forgiveness. Some days I need Isaiah 43:18-19, “Forget the
former things; do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.” Some days I need to back up a few chapters in
Isaiah 40:30-31, “Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and
fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.” Those who hope in the Lord…that is where I try
and stay. Because I have found when I hope
in Him, I am not disappointed.
This
process/journey has emptied me out at times, only for the Lord to fill me back
up. Often times He had to empty,
cleanse, purge and rebuild. It has been
freeing to let go and live in the moment.
I am still trying to learn what that truly means, but having a baby girl
who embraces life the way she does has been a great teacher. I think the most exciting part of this entire
journey has been to watch her bond with each person in our family, immediate
and extended. She and I had a mutual
affection the first time we met. That
grew and has continued to grow. I have
enjoyed watching her personality become alive and grow larger each day,
although I keep asking myself if it gets any bigger what will I do. It was easy for me to fall in love with her
and us to bond instantly. It took a
little longer for Brad and Anna Lee, but it has been beautiful watching from
the outside looking in. Anna Lee has
handled this with grace and maturity.
She has shared her life and her family. She was the typical “spoilt only
child” and she has now become a giving, loving sister. We took them to Disney on Ice recently and a
sweet man in a pink shirt bought Lily a light up wand…a very expensive light up
wand. We told both kids we were not
buying light up, stuffed animals, crowns or anything that was perceived as a
toy and cost too much. (However, funnel
cakes, popcorn and ice cream were totally different!) This sweet man only saw Lily at the time and
took the time to say hello to her. Of
course, she spoke with that smile that makes people melt in her hands, which
she uses often! He came back with that
wand and her eyes lit up. I was thankful
but worried about Anna Lee who didn’t have one, and had taken a trip for the
funnel cakes which we were prepared to buy!
She came back and asked where the wand came from. I explained the story
and she was thankful for her sister and the smile that graced her face that
came with the wand. She didn’t complain,
nor did she ask for one. She grew up a
little in that moment. Me…I cried in
that moment.
There
was a lot of emotion going on that week.
We had just taken a trip to a local high school’s first priority to
spend some time with them and share our story.
They have blessed us with raising thousands of dollars to provide Miss
Lily with a state of the art hot pink wheelchair that does just about anything
she will ever need. Not only did they
provide that, they also provided the lift kit for our car and a stair lift for
our home. As I though over their gifts
and the selfless gift of the man in the pink shirt I realized God meets all our
needs, big and small, and He grows us in the process, just as He grew Anna Lee
in that moment. I saw that man in the
pink shirt one more time that day and sent Brad over to thank him. He didn’t want a thank you…but he said
something to us…”Thank yall for taking care of her the rest of her life.” There is a quote in the back of my Bible I wrote
down one day when praying about the idea of bringing a handicap child home to
our family (because at the time that was not the plan). It says. “Think about how our lives will have
to change if we bring her home, BUT think about her life not changing if we don’t.” Thank you sweet man in the pink shirt for
reminding me of that quote, that feeling, that reminder of how much her life
has changed but more, how much we are changed.
And thank you Mountain Brook High School for meeting us where we are and
helping make this transition easier. And
thank you Lord for growing Anna Lee in the process! They fight like sisters, but at the end of
the day Lily climbs in bed and then you hear it…Sissssssy…sleep with me. And sissy does. Anna Lee gives up the T.V. in her room and
her comfortable bed, to climb in bed with her sister. I often sneak in after they are asleep and Anna
Lee is holding Lily the same way I used to hold her. Those are the moments I relish most.
My favorite though, has been watching
Brad bond with her and she with him. It
has often made me think of how the lord is so patient and loving with us. He had to earn her trust. She would let him do most things for her, but
she preferred me. She would let him
bathe her, but when it came time for bed she wanted him gone. She would cry if she thought he was going to
climb in bed with her. It broke his
heart. He is definitely a “little girl”
daddy. He is kind, compassionate and
loving…more than me most days. And it
literally broke his heart that she wouldn’t let him snuggle her and hold her to
sleep. About a month ago he finally gave
in and laid at the foot of her bed until she cried herself to sleep. He wanted her to know he wasn’t going to hurt
her and she didn’t have to be scared.
This pattern repeated itself a couple more times and the cries became
less. Eventually she started inviting
him to lie next to her until she was ready to close her eyes. Then one night she asked him to sleep with
her…all night. He did and I cried. She trusted.
She let her guard down and since that time their relationship has been
different. There was a shift that
happened that night and it was deep. It was
love being born, and it was beautiful. I
have watched all three of us grieve over her physical condition. It breaks us, but I have also watched all
three of us being strengthened by this fierce little one who embraces life in
ways we can’t. I can’t simplify what adoption
has done for us…especially since she isn’t adopted yet! But I know how important it is not only for
the orphan but for the family who gets to welcome them home. It’s hard, it stinks, it’s dirty and it’s
ugly, but it will morph into a beautiful story if you let the lord write the
story.
November is orphan awareness month…what
will you do? How can you help? But more importantly are you an orphan? We spend a great deal of time advocating for
the least of these and they need it! But,
some of them are richer than we think…because often times, they have Jesus. They experience Him in ways we can’t fathom. I have never seen protection like I have in
that orphanage. I have never seen
dependence like I have there. They are
orphans, without a Father and a Mother, but they have Jesus. Do you have Him in your heart in your life? Do you have a Father that you know, that you
trust and that you hope in? Have you
been adopted into His family? I have,
and it’s been freeing. I have a Good
Good Father who knows my name…and I am loved by Him…let me introduce you to Him….
His name is Jesus.
