Praise the Lord, for He heals all your disease...

Praise the Lord, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name.  Praise the Lord, o my soul, and forget not all his benefits-who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases….  Psalm 103:1-3

Lily has four bars that are inserted into her skin through her legs and into her bones.  Two in her upper leg and two below her knee.  She has three other incisions where her tendons were cut and work was done, in order for her legs to be manipulated, to be in a straight position.  We have begun the manual process of “turning” her contraption that has been placed on her leg, which will manually stretch her tendons and straighten her leg.  This is the second time, the second leg.  Her wounds have not yet closed from surgery, but as I continue to watch her heal the Lord is teaching me with each new scar.

I have learned something from watching the toughest kid I know…before healing comes, you have to endure the pain.

The second time around was easier.  We knew what was coming, we knew what to expect, but that does not mean the pain was any less.  It was still there.  It was and still is part of the healing process.  We just knew how to cope with it and how to fight it.  With each day that passes, Lily’s wounds get a little better.  The pain becomes a little less, and the hope of healing begins to take place.  In all of us. 

You see, as I have walked next to this new child of mine, she has taught me so much about how the Lord cares for His children.  She has taught me how perfect He is, and how imperfect I am.  She has taught me how His perfect plan is far better than anything I can make happen for myself, and if we will just be moldable and teachable He brings healing. I have learned through the last year, Lily’s physical wounds will heal.  Her scars will fade and her physical pain eventually decreases.  The only thing left as reminders are the scars.  But that is physical.

Lily also carries deep internal wounds.  Wounds left from abandonment, wounds from attachment, wounds from trusting the wrong people, and those are just to name a few.  Behind her big brave smile is a kid who has been abandoned, who was at times neglected, who has been hurt, and who has been inserted into a family, in another country, where she had no decision or choice in the matter.  On most days, she handles it pretty well, but on the days she does not, it is tough.  And it’s on those days the Lord is teaching me through pain comes healing.  The hardest part about all of this is learning to change.  We have learned, we have to change in order for her to be healed.  The Lord does the same work in us.  He allows pain in our lives to show us that there are parts that need to be healed.  There are parts that are broken and need to be fixed.

With each bandaged we have changed, and each nursery rhyme we have sung to get through the long nights of pain, and with each needle stick and each hospital stay our bond gets stronger.  But it still isn’t without the pain.  Little did I know how much all of this would bring to the surface the healing that Lily would in turn provide for us.

You see her pain has also brought to the surface areas of our life that needed to be healed.  Our marriage had cracks we did not even know existed.  Our parenting had cracks we did not even know existed.  The way we related to one another had areas that needed to be exposed and fixed.  There were parts of our hearts that were not good, that needed to be exposed through this process, in order for true healing to begin.  So much of the healing I thought we would provide for Lily has really been intended for us. 

We are surrounded by friends doing the hard work of fostering.  We have close friends that have also adopted, and adopted special needs.  We have been blessed to have a close friend, who happens to be a social worker, start a small group for all of us.  Every Wednesday we unload our life on her.  Every Wednesday I feel like she goes home shaking her head at what a mess we all are.  We joke and tell her we are all those families of what you are not supposed to do.  And every week she gently reminds us we are in this fight to heal our children with the Lord’s help.  It’s our job to focus on the whole healing process, healing their whole body…physically, emotionally and spiritually. 

Recently we focused on the story of the good Samaritan, and I had a light bulb moment.  Here is the shortened version of the story found in Luke 10:30-37.  A man was traveling from Jerusalem to Jericho when he was stripped, beaten, robbed and left for dead.  A priest passed by and walked to the other side of the road to avoid the man.  A Levite then did the same thing.  But then came a Samaritan.  He took pity on him.  He bandaged his wounds, he put him on his own donkey, took him to the inn, payed for his stay and then left a running tab with the owner of the inn to continue to care for him until he returned to pay the tab.  I’ll spare you all the why’s and why nots of the priest and Levites vs. the hated Samaritan, but what I will point out is the question that was asked of us that night.  Why do you think it was the Samaritan who sacrificed his time and his money and to be inconvenienced from his own journey to help this man?  Verse 37 sums it up…Jesus told us because he had mercy on him.  He had compassion.  TRUE compassion leads to action.  That was a light bulb moment for me.  Because if I’m honest, at that time of our journey with Lily I was becoming a little resentful…not necessarily at her but because of her.  Because I had to be uncomfortable for her needs to be met.  Our financial budget took a hit with visas, a still lingering adoption and now medical bills.  Our normal family of three that could pick up and go anywhere, at any time, has now been slowed down.  For a while there I needed to mourn what was.  We all did, Lily included.  But that night I realized I had lost a glimpse of the compassion that led me to her in the first place.  The Lord gently reminded me true compassion is costly.  To our time, to our money and it certainly inconveniences us.  But, if we let Him the Lord brings all that to the surface, opens the wound, and then allows it to heal.  And in healing comes the hope and beauty of what is still to come. 

We have had some rough moments together.  But we have also had some beautiful moments.  We have had some hard, honest conversations over the last year, but they have forced us to look inside and see who we really want to be.  I want to be full of compassion providing hope and healing to my little one that desperately needs to Jesus in her momma.   

Last week just the two of us were sitting on my front porch.  I asked Lily if she wanted to try and stand up.  And for the first time, both of her feet touched the ground at the same time.  A light bulb went off for her too.  She realized all this pain was worth having both feet on the ground.  I wished I would have had someone to capture the smile that swept her face.  It was a deep smile that came from her soul.  She buried her head in my chest and just held on tight for what seemed like forever.  She knew we fought this together.  She was no longer alone in this.  She had a family and she had two feet on the ground.  Healing was in sight and the pain was worth it.  Little did she know her momma felt it too.

Adoption isn’t often pretty, but it’s so worth it!  Because through the tough stuff comes Jesus.  He is always there with us in the valleys, on the mountain tops and everywhere in between.  He meets us where we are, loves us as we are, and gently brings healing through compassion.