Because
of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never
fail. They are new every morning; great
is your faithfulness. Lamentations
3:22-23
That is my favorite promise from the
Lord. It’s the one I need most, His
grace and mercy that comes new each day.
Lily has been home now for 667
days. Sometimes it still seems so surreal. We were apart for 1,159 days. Those days were long, stretched out and felt
as if a part of our family was missing for each photo, vacation, holiday,
milestone, etc… There are some mornings I walk into her room to get her up, and
I remember what it felt like to walk into that empty room waiting for her. It was some very lonely years waiting. If I had only known to rest a little more in
the waiting…
She turns 5 today. The second birthday spent with us, and the
first official birthday as a Dobson! I
am finding I like the second milestones, the second holidays better. As a new mom you always look forward to the
first birthday, the first thanksgiving, the first Christmas, their first
Easter, and that first mother’s day. Not
gonna lie…all those first with Lily were tough.
Don’t get me wrong, we rejoiced, we were joyful she was home, but some
of those “first” were tough, even painful for all involved! I have a picture of my first mother’s day
with her home. Lily’s favorite Sunday school
teacher did a wonderful craft for us moms and they snapped a picture of us
together as we entered Sunday school.
Little did they know neither of us wanted a picture with the other that Happy
Mother’s Day morning. Bonding issues had
taken its toll. Control issues had taken
its toll. The pain of all she was going through
physically, medically and emotionally had taken its toll, on her and me. I keep that picture over my sink as a
reminder of where we have been, where we want to go and what kind of mother she
needs me to be. To say the last 968 days
have been wonderful, joyful and pleasant would be a lie. There have been wonderful, joyful and
pleasant moments, days and weeks, but there has also been anger, disappointment,
and pain. But through it all the Lord has
never left our side. And each morning
His mercies were new, are new and will continue to be new. For those of you that know Lily, you know she
is fierce, bold, determined and full of life!
But she has also experienced pain, physically and emotionally. She lost everything she knew to be
comforting, even if it wasn’t good and ideal.
She lost control of her world, the only world she knew and was placed
into a world of strangers, who didn’t even look and talk like her. She had rules and a new way of life and even
if that new way of life was better some days it just wasn’t for her. However, with each new day comes growth,
grace and mercy.
For 667 days she has leveled everything I
knew about parenting, love, grace, mercy, forgiveness and peace. She has broken down every barrier I had ever
put up and challenged me in ways I never thought could happen. With each 2nd holiday we feel more
like family. We know each other. We’ve been through life together. We know what the other wants and needs. With each surgery I see our bond deepening and
her dependence on us growing. This last
surgery showed me just how far she had come.
As we talked the night before about what to expect we talked about pain,
about how the hurting brings healing and joy.
And as she held me tight she said, “Momma, all this makes me want to
cry.” And as I looked at her I said, “Me
too baby, me too.” If she only knew how
many tears I’ve cried for her, tears of pain and joy. The next day she woke up with a smile on her
face and said, “Let’s go to the hospital, I’m ready!” And she was.
Her big, brave self underwent her sixth surgery like a champ.
For roughly the last 4oo some odd days she has
had some sort of contraption on her legs.
I’ve watched her legs slowly be unfolded from the mangled, tangled way
they were to beautiful straight legs she is so proud of. This process didn’t come without pain
though. Much like her physical pain,
this whole journey hasn’t come without pain.
She has endured much more than we will ever know, but one thing she has
taught me is to have joy among the pain.
Sometimes you just have to force joy to deal with pain, and that’s a
choice. This kid of mine forces me to be
better, for her. She challenges me for
the better. She expects me to love
deeper, because that’s what makes her better.
It’s hard for me to put into words with
this kid means to me. I have two
remarkable daughters, one from my womb and one given to me by another. They are
so different yet so much alike. They
will change this world, they have already changed mine. I don’t have this whole parenting thing down
by any means, but Lily has taught me I’m teachable, and the Lord is teaching me
what she needs and how to parent that. She
is healing in more ways than one. I’m
celebrating this birthday with her differently this year, because this year we
are in a different season of life! She
is my daughter and she has been from the day the Lord told me she was mine…go
fight for her.
When I reminded her it was getting close
to her birthday a couple of weeks ago she looked puzzled. Then she asked, “I get another birthday,
again?” Yes, baby you do. You get many many more! We get to do life together now, birthdays,
holidays, surgeries, no more doing life alone.
You are now a part of a family. A
family that loves you, that will fight for you and with you. A family that will go the distance with you,
and regardless of circumstance will seek out joy and live it with you! Lily Belle you have changed my life, in all
the ways I needed. You broke me to the
core. You were everything we never knew
we wanted or needed and have come to be the very thing that glued our family
together. You my dear will conquer
because the Lord has His hand on you.
Verse 26 of Lamentations chapter 3 is what I’m now praying for you…It is
good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. I can’t wait for the day you realize all the
Lord has done for you, and the day you accept Him as your Lord and Savior. Until then we wait…but this time we are
together!
Happy
5th birthday little one, you are a whole hand now, and still full of
dynamite!
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